my virtual freedom

...

2006-05-08T15:01:00.000-07:00

Am kinda lazy to pick a title for the post. Yeah so...life's different...so different...have been realising that it doesn't get so motivating when u r doing some monotonous activity :(.

New plans

2006-05-05T14:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah so ... one shud never forget what one wants if one wants to get what
one wants at the right time. :) pretty clumsy 'eh?...well it's a tautology
as it seems to me...the converse of which needn't be true always...or I'd
rather put it as...the condition is not an essential one...because of
lotta other issues...which I shall place most abstractly in the 'karma'
category which can make it not essential.

It's like u make a plan...and if u dun execute it...u'd have to waste time
making another plan.
This brings dwn ur efficiency and productivity. So act when u plan
according to the plan. Now, leaving all this fundae behind...I'd assert
that am a philosophical being...I more than strongly believe in Karma
etc., for their prepondence over other factors in every issue that's
unavilable
to scientific analysis.

I wanted to write my PLAN again....retelling myself what I need to do at
the basic level.
The following's my career plan - a little modified from the before one.

1. Finish College
2. Get through and persue Civil Services
3. Get married
4. Do an MBA
6. Be a mom
7. Be a Supercareergrl, Superwife, and Supermom

Higher things in life...

2006-05-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

Yeah so ... one shud never forget what one wants if one wants to get what one wants at the right time. :) pretty clumsy 'eh?...well it's a tautology as it seems to me...the converse of which needn't be true always...or I'd rather put it as...the condition is not an essential one...because of lotta other issues...which I shall place most abstractly in the 'karma' category which can make it not essential.

It's like u make a plan...and if u dun execute it...u'd have to waste time making another plan.
This brings dwn ur efficiency and productivity. So act when u plan according to the plan. Now, leaving all this fundae behind...I'd assert that am a philosophical being...I more than strongly believe in Karma etc., for their prepondence over other factors in every issue that's unavilable
to scientific analysis.

I wanted to write my PLAN again....retelling myself what I need to do at the basic level.
The following's my career plan - a little modified from the before one.

1. Finish College
2. Get through and persue Civil Services
3. Get married
4. Do an MBA
6. Be a mom
7. Be a Supercareergrl, Superwife, and Supermom

Some sense

2006-05-04T04:25:00.000-07:00

Hello people...I think...one should enjoy what one's doing thoroughly. One's intelligence lies in moulding the circumstances whatsoever they are to his/her benefit and joy...that's the living...and well which surely will propell the individual to his/her dreams in the littlest time. Great so...that's abt it. It's on my mind...am to attend sth else...otherwise there wud pages I cud go on and on with. Ciao when am freer in head.

Personality changes

2006-05-02T12:02:00.000-07:00

I am recently being so strongly influenced by radical ideas and thinking, towards better goals ofcourse...in the company of newer frens and ppl. I kinda feel all my prejudices r being shattered to change my own self...it's a wonderful experience....while I have no idea abt the risk involved in it. It's sorta adventurous...I feel am living life more than ever to change. I love change :). I think that was too abstract to precisely hint a phase in life in so much brief. That's okie...I'll fall upon the details when I get real time. I shud move now. Will take pleasure in returning soon.

Lovingly
Chandana

Some light!

2006-05-01T02:55:00.000-07:00

I am lateeee...I am late...hw much ever I lament upon it...I'd only be more late...so that won't work. Let's device a stratey (that's my fav. line these days to pull myself out of SITUATIONS).
Was pondering upon a blog today...totally inspirational...people who have made their mark in the societies have had oraganised thought and action most often than not...infact I could safely say always. Well now...this sense of the need for an organised approach to life...is am sure a boon to me...though it arrived in late.

Ah...okie...I fell upon the 'plan in life' to be where u want to be post of smbdy in her blog. Pretty admirable hw she's gotten to see things to be simpler than they actually are. I had always learned to complicate things in life...and be lost in my self-created complications. This is not getting off me...perhaps am used to the complications. Exemplifying it...I cud simply be normal by wanting to get married like other grls...settle down and live happily ever after. Nevretheless there's this strange aspect of me...that often confuses me by indicating that maybe am born to live a life that's different...a life committed to higher things...where there's no marriage...no family. I know that sounds crazy...but well maybe I am crazy...I dunno. Whatever...so lemme descend upon the Earth for a change and try to make my stuff simpler. I also sorta noticed that my capacty to keep frens and move further's is hindered by this 'complicating things' habit of mine.

So...imitating this grl..I try to device a plan for myself...what do I want most basically out of my life...and wish to work towards the same.

1. Finish College
2. Get through and persue Civil Services
3. Get married
4. Study for a couple of years an area of fascination
6. Be a mom
7. Be a supercareergrl, superwife, and supermom (this is sth I picked up frm the blog I was mentioning before)

This is like the set path for now...with fixed deadlines for the same. Besides tha above broad goals...there are a plenty of sub-responsibilities to be taken care of...in their own orders of priority. So this is it for now...I think am a tiny bit relived as of now. I wish things happen the way they r planned (though I disbelieve they do). It's one's own panicky...that makes one worry a lot...:):):)....so that's all abt the current stuff...I'd leave now.

Never really mind...as I think am clearer whar I want otherwise

Talked and talked

2006-04-30T09:18:00.000-07:00

I was so damn unsure of whr am going today. I cudn't pull myself thru the situation till now...dunno why (I hope am out and alright now). I talked to mom like for 12 hrs...huh...am so sicked by my dependence on her totally. Whatever...that's okie...no complaining. Oh yeah I wrote a blog post too...it smhw din get published...that was a little waste of time too. Nevermind guys!!

Anyways...so life's gotto be rocking as I realise day after day...it's all u who can mould it the way u want it to be. Totally giving in to a wonderful exercise of living life to the fullest...I'd not want to write more now...as I'd get back wth all fine details when there's real leisure and free mind. Oh btw...watched a couple of episodes of freinds...they r so theurapic...I really think all friends' stars and it's crew perhaps wud go to heaven...unless they have a criminal record. That's all to say...nth more now. Bye bye grls n boys!

Oppurtunity

2006-04-29T23:28:00.000-07:00

Lately I realised, that opputunity is around the corner always. One needs the right mind, strategy and action to spot it and utilize it.

The recent encounter of a strange but a fascinating friend's potentially affecting me. I am letting it happen for I need to open my mind to changes and new things. The desire to change's haunting me...for good I strongly believe...for I know the change I am looking towards to is to change into my real self...the self I always thought I was. That cud be pretty confusing and totally egoistic writing abt me me and me again and that too...more and more in depth now. Introspection...I call it a weakness?? or a natural tendency of me (or every human probably!)!.

Anyways so what I wanted to put across was...that I am looking forward to a brighter self...with an initiative appreciation from this new friend (an experience being cashed into a lifetime oppurtunity). I do not want to get into it further. But yeah I can write abt the other stuff. Life's moving on...am learning new things...but at a slower pace than I wish to. I'd not give up I'd still try to catch up to the right speed. I'd move now to other things. Nice blogging today.

hello

2006-04-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

Bingo I am back so soon. Sometimes's it's so comforting to talk to the blog :)!!!

My day has been wonderful...I loved it totally. I want it to be better tomorrow totally better than today :). Well the tomorrow had already began...wow! I am on the highest spirits...thats how u feel when u have done wht u wanted to do during the day perhaps. Striking ur own targets right is such a wonderful feeling...I dun yet experience it...yet am confident very soon I will. So uninformative...my despcriptions are...aren't they?? Maybe!!

Alright...am all set with my targets for the upcoming three weeks and more. Let us see how I'd try and meet them. I give it to God...to watch and lead me...I'd stay cool :-B. Good!!! now back to duty.

Lotsa love to ppl reading my totally personal blog posts :x:x:x
Chandana

Discovery?

2006-04-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah I claim to have discovered a strange disease that I suppose in common in sane humans too. Well the symptoms are...the person very quickly imagines another being or a thing...to be so wonderful for a short span of time (sometimes it could be a little longer). When the reality strikes the person's disillusioned abruptly or gradually but definitely painfully. This is the disease of growth or the disease of wisdom that everybody is cursed to be a victim several times in one's life. That was quite a bit of thougt....and I guess it's enuff writing abt it.

I'd leave now...lots of things on schedule. Bye bye!

Life gets busier

2006-04-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone...

I know when life gets so busy doing things and things...u do not get time to blog. That's a desirable change...yet a litle suffocating for a free soul...so it isn't totally desirable. It has been a slightly uninteresting but productive life for me lately. I am building upon skills to enhance the efficiency of the charm-extracting mechanisms out of the mundane tasks I engage myself in. That's to garrulous way of utter complaining. Damn...I am cribbing...should I be called the monotonous cribber around? Please no...I'll change :(.

Awfully true...the summers are taking their real shape into ovens and boilers all around the country. I am bothered abt the oven-effect in Delhi as my feet are tied here for another one month most definitely than not. I miss home, I miss everything I used to do before I got tied to the recentmost 7 year fate. I kinda need a change, a break...news faces around and new things happening...routine is the most frihtening thing when all ur basic needs are fulfilled. Okay now that's enuff of crib-talk. I wanto end the posting before it's the next day altogether...gotto get working for the good cause. It'd be 25th April 2006, Tuesday...now...boom....!!

G'nite!!

Good ones

2006-04-14T12:30:00.000-07:00

One meets his destiny often on the road he takes to avoid it.

The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.
-- Maurice Chapelain, "Main courante"

My father was a saint, I'm not.
-- Indira Gandhi

Which is worse: ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?

What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?

I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I
don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected
with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,
the food cheaper, and old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier
in the summer.
-- Brendan Behan
Booker's Law:
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.

The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach
their children to speak it.
-- G. B. Shaw

Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
-- Actor Edmond Gween, on his deathbed.

Madness has no purpose. Or reason. But it may have a goal.
-- Spock, "The Alternative Factor", stardate 3088.7

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two
chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
-- Carl Jung

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened
into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the
hope of greening the landscape of idea.
-- John Ciardi

God grant me the senility to accept the things I cannot change,
The frustration to try to change things I cannot affect,
and the wisdom to tell the difference.

It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up

Hate the sin and love the sinner.
-- Mahatma Gandhi

on after-births

2006-04-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

Life is short...it is in a geological scale...or even in a much smaller scale of time. It doesn't feel like we ever die...though we all die....does it? Maybe this feeling has encouraged the greatest philosophers on earth to come up with the concept of a soul...the undying attribute of our identity. Now, hw real is the soul?..or hw true is it that thr exists this entity at all?

Answers to the above can be derived from more questions. Logic and rationale are true, permanent. Hw? Their nature of permanace must have emerged from a source that's permanent. Let's call the source God. Now, there has to be sth permanent again that's sourcing God...what's it? It's in turn our permanent souls. So I think all of it is a cycle of permanence. God's evolved from our permanence...and we are evolving from his permanence. It's a closed system.

WOW!!

2006-04-11T11:28:00.000-07:00

I came across a few lines...sm of them were totally new and fangtastic...

Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
-- The Wizard of Oz

I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk
and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously,
unless you keep in practice. Now, sir, we'll talk if you like. I'll tell
you right out, I'm a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk.
-- Sidney Greenstreet, "The Maltese Falcon"

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to
see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
-- Shirley Temple

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human
intelligence long enough to get money from it.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
-- Frank Hubbard

... The prejudices people feel about each other disappear when then get
to know each other.
-- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius", stardate 4372.5

Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
-- Robert Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"

Violence is molding.
To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education.
To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither
oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.
-- Epictetus

"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while
the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one."
-- William Stekel

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
-- Lynch

Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.
-- Tom Robbins

You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having
both at once.
-- Lazarus Long

Zall's Laws:
(1) Any time you get a mouthful of hot soup, the next thing you do
will be wrong.
(2) How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom
door you're on.

He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.
-- Scottish proverb.

Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.

Inspiration without perspiration is usually sterile.
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's
listening.
-- Franklin P. Jones

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?

Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
-- Zeuxis

Owe no man any thing...
-- Romans 13:8

"What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying."
-- Nikita Khrushchev

I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
-- The Best of Will Rogers

The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.

He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.
-- Sir Richard Burton

Knucklehead: "Knock, knock"
Pee Wee: "Who's there?"
Knucklehead: "Little ol' lady."
Pee Wee: "Liddle ol' lady who?"
Knucklehead: "I didn't know you could yodel"

Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.

Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good

Who to himself is law no law doth need,
offends no law, and is a king indeed.
-- George Chapman

If I had done everything I'm credited with, I'd be speaking to you from
a laboratory jar at Harvard.
-- Frank Sinatra

Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.

Dignity is like a flag. It flaps in a storm.
-- Roy Mengot

"Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is
shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
-- Albert Einstein

A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
-- Edgar A. Shoaff

The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and
not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could
have materialized -- and never knowing.
-- David Viscott

No evil can happen to a good man.
-- Plato

If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
-- Dorothy Parker

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
-- Alexander Pope

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
-- Irene Peter

"Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about."
-- B. L. Whorf

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
-- Peer

Who does not love wine, women, and song,
Remains a fool his whole life long.
-- Johann Heinrich Voss

War is like love, it always finds a way.
-- Bertolt Brecht, "Mother Courage"

Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Pinch

2006-04-08T11:43:00.000-07:00

That's a figurative description of the current situation. Deadlines...damn they r so terrifying...am tested for volatility by the hardest equipment. The only way I can survive is by..'just dealing with it'. And that's not more difficult than 'not dealing with it and escaping'. Yeah...all my wisdom screams aloud to deal with problems...fight in a fight or flight situations.

That's enuff...am too motivating for the moment. I feel each day's passing like a second. In a blink...the week's over. It's terrific but scary too. I like it whtever :):):)!. It's indeed a pinch...the hardest pinch of time. I have no choice but to enjoy it...and I am enjoying it a great deal.

I dunno if I can..

2006-04-05T10:27:00.000-07:00

...pull through the times ahead the way I wanto. This is the most undesirable line I am encountering from myself more often these days. Damn...do it grl!!!

A doubt as above in unecessary because I knw am lucky...why? hw? I really dunno...but then I knw for sure .. that whatever happens it happens for my good :):):)...so far this has been terrificly true. Amn't I lucky now?? I AM!...so no apprehensions...no fears for the sake of all good in the world. My life's so extremely eventful that it seems apparently uneventful..u knw it's mathematical...when u place a zillion events in a 24 hrs span...they r expected to be totally fine to allow themselves be accomodated. I am talking too much now (not like I dun otherwise). I'd go....

Ciao world!

Kill me

2006-04-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

The day was fantastic...slept for 14 hrs again :)...kill me...is what I'd say. Hmmmm what next?...nth much I guess...only if am awake rt. thr'd be sth to say...huh...okie ppl...cya later then.

Rang De Basanti

2006-04-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Watched Rang De Basanti today. It left me with a desirable feeling at the end of watching it...no matter how childish the script was. Not just this movie...there were others before in bollywood which centered around corruption and treated the protaganists to be anti-government. Pathak asked me to watch the movie. Well..my brother liked it...and...Poo said it was very good...Vikas said the movie was stupid. Anyways I watched it.

To come to my opinion abt it. It was a really nice cast...aesthetic settings. The Indianity was handled colourfully...thought the flow was slow. I appreciate the effort...but yea I'd wanto to make a comment here. Fighting corruption is like fighting natural death...or fighting nature. The unlawful and unethical, detrimental behaviour of certain politically, financially rich and greedy sections of the society, isn't supposed to be confused with corruption. Besides dispersing the focus essential to address social causes it may waste the emotional energies of the youth fighting for a cause that's only an effect and not a cause in essence (I am talking abt corruption). The anti-social youth groups will am sure get so happy to watch this movie...for they now knw they r living for a cause...it's an amateur concept treated pretty well(keeping the Indian standards in mind). I may be no connoisior yet I thought I'd say what I felt. In any case...movies which address larger in life are always a welcome...and as I said...I was happy I watched the movie. It left me more active than I was before...:).

Will Power

2006-04-01T12:04:00.000-08:00

Yea this is what I had lately been desperately looking for. I have abundance of it...so burried within by the auric disturbances. Oh no I won't talk abt me a lot.

Now, thr's this peson X...let's call him/her X. I'll describe the personality of this X in brief. X is highly qualified (professionally), overly calculative and an untimately selfish human being. What all X wants is that others should think X is so good. X can go to any extent to acquire such a fame be it's fake or real. X's always complains about his/her overflowing sympathy towards certain others, in an attempt to mask himself/herself as an enormously benevolent human. This is distubing..have been familiar with such characters in movies etc...but then I knw them in real too. You know it for sure, X is disturbingly conceitful, yet you are tempted to associate with X for the politeness and mannerism X exhibits. What can stop the human kind from getting fooled???

Really the above passage is in no offense to anybody, neither it's a fictional character. It's the factual description of a personality...I've keyed it in an attempt to help save the ignorant from bewilderment. I am apathetic to the above personality at this stage as I have more responsibilities the current time demands. In any case...I started my post with 'will power'...well it has little relation to what I followed up with. Yet, I can make a conclusion note that's a continium. Well...will power of a person is something that can save him/her from life's mis-gestures and the environment's aberrations (like the one I stated above). One should attempt to preserve one's thought in sanctity and thus improve it's power of control, by protecting it using the will power. Not more I'd want to say...:).

I dun want to talk to anybdy

2006-03-30T07:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes...u need somebody to talk to, but you just dun want to talk to anybody you know. So who is this someone you want to share what you want to say? What's the purpose of such an urge??? It's the desire to express...that never dies...that's seeking a trustee (in vain??). I quite do not know if there exists this someone in flesh and blood...and Schizophrenics even hallucinate such being(s). If I go back to my wiser ages (I was wiser in innocence when I was younger...that's a concept I'll plunge upon sm day later on) I may be tempted to suggest the presence of the lord who is this someone more rightly than anything. Not that I disbelieve this...just that I am still growing wise with innocence breached. I will reach the place I want to some day soon :).

Hello

2006-03-28T10:59:00.000-08:00

Hmmm,

Am back to talk. I had a ruff week. I watched 15,Park avenue...had been wanting to watch it so much. I was so moved...and emotionally wrecked...for a while. The concept selection was totally totally appreciation worthy. The dialogue delivery which was quite below the potential mark...and the acting performances by the actors were again good work but then the concept deserves a better treatment. I am a perfecgtionist...I compare things wth the best anyway...a word of caution to the readers of my reviews. And after that movie...well I encountered this hoax abt some ghost calling people from a particular 11 digit mobile number and the persons who received it's call dying within two days. Such a depressive spooky hoax it was!!!! huh unbelievable and creepily stupid...yet it was influential for sometime. To add to the threat...I was informed that the news abt it was broadcast by the top news channels. I still dunno hw much's true. I could hardly keep my hands off the mobile...and callin the ghost...so I deleted the number. Chuck it...it makes me doubt the human faith sometimes. Tell me...can somebody call the ghost really??? or it's only me who's so coward??? I need to knw my courage levels...I always thought I was inherently extremely courageous.

After all this...well I tremble in articulation with a selected few, for some silly reasons ... which is again a defective trait of my personality. I know that, my interviewer for a position for me with his organisation, should never ever visit this blog, coz it'll give him.her every reason to not employ me. It's like a window into my negative personality. Am looking at ways to overcome the aberrations and complexities and dwell as this strong and a perfect person...my dream-self. I will do so one day...I will...not so later :):):).

Okay now, the positive side...I enjoyed my time...making new frens wth old frens (acquaintances)..it feels comforting. I love making friends and spending time with friends...one needs to get one's kinda people to socialise...but then it's an art to see friends in anybody you meet. I've admired this trait in my recent group of friends...and well I may as well borrow it. My relationship with mom had become lovlier...it just gets lovelier day after day..touch wood. This is something I can live for...the most adorable thing in my life...and sth I am most afraid of if made devoid of :). She's so adorable and my favourite thing in the world. I met Kiran Seth today...he recognised me...I doubt if he recollected my name. I lied to him saying I had nothing to do with IIT...when he asked. I somhow want to associate myself with a bigger world now. I am ready to fly out of my cage...and am so awaiting the first flight...sth tells me...that my first flight's going to be as special as it was seen to be :">. I am so romantic...damn...I know!!! the world's so mine....it's a fantastic feeling to live and be loved by. Oooh I am trangressing into my fairy land. Ouch...the time's pinching me to move from here pals. As the stars and the moon wink at me from the wondow...as I feel so nice about blogging today...as I can see my soul in the divine light...as I feel the touch of God on my forehead...I know I can talk more and exhaust all the words and phrases possible yet only remain insufficient in expression of hw I feel :):):)!

Stop talking!

2006-03-25T13:46:00.000-08:00

Am back again...well I slept on the desk after writing the previous post...after which I went over to eat a muffin, while I also ate a huge chocolate. That's such an unreasonable compensation I knwww!!! I feel so damn apolegetic to my body. It took me a chocolate to do what I wanted to do in the last post. Damn and it's night time too!!! Uff...

No cribbing no cribbing...I wont' crib okay :):):). Alright, here I go...totally ok wth myself...and at peace. All is fine and fair!! it is...it always is. The count down's so on and am on toes...I bethink always. Great! I'll take a vacation from talkin too much...and well that implies talking on the blog too maybe. It's getting addictive and making me garrulent. I am fully aware that I love to talk(that's so girly)...I'd resist...resist hard....yes!

Strangled

2006-03-25T12:09:00.000-08:00

Horrifying title...well that's only figurative...no worries. Today was a nice day but for the unease I experienced for I had to work for many hours...have lost touch working hard. I love to work hard...it is really fantastic to be able to work hard with consistency. I am not letting go the opputunity (time) I have now.

Besides....well my title explains the way I feel a little lonely these days. Maybe because of the movies and the society (I dun believe it's the age alone)...my mind thinks it's perfectly okay to feel lonely. I knw it somewhere it isn't. Human's feel lonely all their life...hence have a family...and eventually realise that they just din have to feel lonely all the time. And to accomodate for their terrible mistake that took them a lifetime to pay for realisation, they change the entire concept and make feeling lonely legitimate and so human. I think a human with compassion, and ability to overcome the want/the need for a friend...is pretty possible, natural, normal and fantastic too. I know many would call me a radical...and some may brand me insane for the apparently impractical talking. But that's okay...I atleast have the courage to admit what I feel is right. If a zillion fools think something stupid...it still is sth stupid :D. Note that am not being cynical here. Anyways...so I am strangled in this earthly emotion (I'd rather call it a weakness and an undesirable vulnerability). I will move out of it....and that'll be a missiion...one grl mission against her own vulnerability.

RarIITy Counts

2006-03-24T13:54:00.000-08:00

Yeah thats the caption on the newly designed IIT T-shirts. It's funny in times when the Govt.'s tryin to increment the number of IITs in the country. I am agaianst the proposed move honestly. I think the govt. needs to improve the status of NIT's to IITs and improve the IIT's further more to being Institutes of International excellence like the league schools of the US. The rariity counts actuallyu. Won't the brandequity of the IITians dilute away with the increased number of educational institutions being called IITs??? What will be the charm in such a diluted branding?...the motivation may also fall with the faded charm.

Anyways...so I am back blogging to say sth. I am into soul-searching (well not soul-mate searching...it's the self-soul searching mission) recently...and I discovered that I'll take time to get my real soul shining. More clearly I am investing energies into personality moulding. That's good news really. I'll go now...I am not sleeping tonight...I'll do sth productive. I'd sleep tomm. during the day.

Dimensions

2006-03-24T11:11:00.000-08:00

In the wild wild woods..:):):)..oh can I call the forest woods?? damnnn my romantic writing is getting dubious with the increasing amount of geography I am studying day by day. Looks like all words need the dictionary.

Life has been good...just that am only yet looking up to that perfection I will achieve one day. Self-critical is what I am more than required. It's developing into a disorder...I need help...God...r u listening to me!?! I blog purposelessly - it's again a self-mockery..but true to being an axiom. I'll try to change the intention..i.e I'd try to write when I have substance in mind...and not to curb my urge to talk to somebody. I am all game to be reformed so far. Lemme continue anyways. The countdown began...I knw for what. My minds counting every heartbeat. I feel so on toes and that's brilliant if I dun fall off earlier than I should. That's cryptic...so much so to people who aren't in touch with me. Nevertheless I wish to catch up wth blogging and key in stuff that should appear captivating. I should have plenty of spice and frolic to talk about soon, besides information. Needless to say the Universe is expanding...so is my mind.

Ciao ppl!

Fantacising...

2006-03-22T11:10:00.000-08:00

I am on a lonely rock in the twilight in the middle of an ocean. I can see the Sun setting and the moon began glowing. Ecstacy! There can be many other such situations. As humans, through perception we accumulate certain wonderful concepts into our knowledge. Fantacies are creative manipulation of such knowledge. Hence evolves fiction. Fiction is not unreal, it is a possibility, maybe a reality too. A philosophical school of thought also suggests that reality is an aftereffect of our perception..and maintains that there doesn't exist an objective reality. I sound like an ardently impractical human being to talk high of fantacy. Oh yes..I am one :).

Thats all for today. My day was nice. I went shopping...got lotsa stuff...about 4 tops, sandals, blah blah. I liked shoping alone...din have to hurry anywhere...though yea it was a little lonely to judge the suitability of everything I tried all by myself :(. Okie..I'll go now..I dun feel like I shud talk a lot. G'nite.

Schizophrenic? Continued...

2006-03-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

Early Warning Signs - a list compiled from the focus group discussions

* inability to sleep, unusual waking hours, day and night mixed up
* social withdrawal, isolation, indifference
* deterioration in social relationships
* hyperactivity, or inactivity, or periods of alternation between the two
* inability to concentrate, noticeable difficulty in making decisions
* unusual preoccupation with religion or the occult
* hostility, suspicion, fearfulness
* over-reaction to peer or family disapproval
* deterioration in personal hygiene
* frequent hitch-hiking trips for unclear reasons
* excessive writing or childlike printing without clear meaning
* unusual emotional reactions
* flat, expressionless gaze
* staring, not blinking, or blinking incessantly
* unusual sensitivity to stimuli (noise, light)
* smelling and tasting things differently
* peculiar use of words or language structure
* bizarre behaviour: refusal to touch people, constant wearing of gloves, shaving head or body hair, cutting oneself, threats of self-mutilation

The following site is wonderful...it has so much thats required to understand Schizophrenia. Am not trying to be so concerned....but while I read through the pages....I got my eyes almost moist. I am so taut in head even now. Innumerable people find life painful...it's not difficult to see why. Is it the Karma?? It has to be...thr has to be some logic...not that logic is essential...but still...uff...I'll finish my philosophy course n then talk. I feel so unequipped now :(.

http://www.mentalhealth.com/book/p40-sc01.html

Schizophrenic?

2006-03-20T09:43:00.000-08:00

I stepped upon a clearer picture of Schizophrenia. I thought I should mention what are the Negative symptoms of this mental disease. Btw...Schizophrenia is a disease with no definite symptoms, no definite causes and no definite treatment. The science of diagonosis and treatment is still evolving though some special cases are caractorized to be cases of this disease of panic only.

----------

Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia

Affective flattening is the reduction in the range and intensity of emotional expression, including facial expression, voice tone, eye contact, and body language.

Alogia, or poverty of speech, is the lessening of speech fluency and productivity, thought to reflect slowing or blocked thoughts, and often manifested as short, empty replies to questions.

Avolition is the reduction, difficulty, or inability to initiate and persist in goal-directed behavior; it is often mistaken for apparent disinterest. (examples of avolition include: no longer interested in going out and meeting with friends, no longer interested in activities that the person used to show enthusiasm for, no longer interested in much of anything, sitting in the house for many hours a day doing nothing.)

------------

Delusions - false beliefs strongly held in spite of invalidating evidence, especially as a symptom of mental illness: for example,

1. Paranoid delusions, or delusions of persecution, for example believing that people are "out to get" you, or the thought that people are doing things when there is no external evidence that such things are taking place.

2. Delusions of reference - when things in the environment seem to be directly related to you even though they are not. For example it may seem as if people are talking about you or special personal messages are being communicated to you through the TV, radio, or other media.

3. Somatic Delusions are false beliefs about your body - for example that a terrible physical
illness exists or that something foreign is inside or passing through your body.

4. Delusions of grandeur - for example when you believe that you are very special or have special powers or abilities. An example of a grandiouse delusion is thinking you are a famous rock star.

Cognitive Symptoms of Schizophrenia
Cognitive symptoms refer to the difficulties with concentration and memory. These can include:

1. disorganized thinking
2. slow thinking
3. difficulty understanding
4. poor concentration
5. poor memory
6. difficulty expressing thoughts
7. difficulty integrating thoughts, feelings and behavior

---------------

Social/occupational dysfunction: For a significant portion of the time s+ince the onset of the disturbance, one or more major areas of functioning such as work, interpersonal relations, or self-care are markedly below the level achieved prior to the onset (or when the onset is in childhood or adolescence, failure to achieve expected level of interpersonal, academic, or occupational achievement).

etc.

-----------

I have taken the excerpts from an organizational site, which I thought were really new to me and were pretty enlightening. I think this should help some people check if they are schizophrenic or not ;).

Great...besides the little wisdom...my day was okay. I wish that all of u wish me good luck in what ever I wish to do. Gosh...are these 'word salads'?? :(...I'll go n do my wrk now...not too much I can talk may be.

Innumerable Personalities

2006-03-18T11:52:00.000-08:00

I am so realising sth new about myself. I am not one person every while :). Looks like I exist as atleast three people totally different and extremely conflicting when tried to bring them together into harmony. The first one is whom I consider the real me...the perfect me...full of ambition...so ideally clear about everything in life, on top of the world in every sense. Then comes this vulnerable, totally conventional, sweet, compromising, timid and the nicest me who doesn't mind being dependent, who always awaits to be with her family. The third person is a silent revolutionary. This person is so different below her skin. She seems to be ok with whats happening around her...but she's rather so unconventional yet justified with her beliefs, constantly awaiting for the oppurtunity to put forth her opinions which are radical and critical. The third person is a fight against conventionality manifested. I have these three personalities...alternating as and when they please in me. Now, for all times I want to be the person number one. I smhw can't avoid being the person number two. The person number 3, I think essentially qualifies me as a human with all the creativity and unpredictability. Since this psychological possibility occured to me, I cudn't wait to key it in.

Besides the above contemplation....I watched Miss India peagent live on Sony today. Looked like the judging panel is getting brainier. They picked the deserving ones....well atleast in the final rounds this time. It was good to see pretty young grls tossing their coins of luck on such demanding and competetive grounds. U may not wanto even doubt the amount of effort they might have delivered into being so much in conformation. And...mmm I read the whole of Femina...well I can't skip fashion update...no matter hw busy I am. I knw wht mom'd say to this :(. And...mmm besides oh yes I watched cheaper by the dozen - part 2 yest. Repetoire, filmi and very little innovative...the movie was only worth watching if one can afford to spend so much time for a few good scenes and concepts. I only liked the little grl's romance part...when she has her frst crush ...and yea...the two yound grls of the Beker's being so sexy and pretty. Rest is all noise and sentimental mis-dose in more than required amounts.

Hush I am so morally inflicting guilt pain on myself by again spending time in ways I dun desire spending. Oh beleive me guys am taking a real oath now to not crib about what I already did. Last time...thanks for bearing me. Hmmm now, what next? Oh yes...this very building whr am sitting nw...is to be inaugurated by the prime minister tomorrow, well the Monday. The place for the occasionis being dressed. I see a possible curfew soon. I may stick myself in the room them. Now, And yea the sky was so pretty today...prettier than ever for quite some days now. All the starts were outshining each other. It was a clear lovely starry chilly night. I am so happy I cud relish every moment in its fullness. I'd end the post here...wth a little relief that life's moving...and am not unaware of it...:):):).

I am here!

2006-03-16T12:28:00.000-08:00

I am here. Finally I knw am doing sth useful. Retrospection can only kill me...the attrocious time-wasting vacations that were uttery non-productive can harm the present and the future if I let them crawl into the thoughts. Wake up and Walk out of the past - a line by a great person. I knw I cud have done bounds...I just din do...no explantions offered. I accept the what I am whr I am and move ahead with the present into the future that's arms open inviting me into a world so new and so wonderful. Damn...I get so lost in abstraction at times...esp. when I am blogging....in an attempt to avoid my egotism being exposed and causing me shame and embarrasment. Well I meant, I dun intend to get auto-biographical and garrulant...yet it happens. Mayb I talk a lot...mayb I am a chatterbox...or...mayb am just under stress. I feel the last one's correct :). Blah blah blah...I dun wanto expand on those blahs...I'd leave before I get mad on myself n talk a lot...and thrfore be more mad..and so on enter the vicious cycle of frustration.

Ciao and G'nite wrld!

Okay...

2006-03-15T12:09:00.000-08:00

Okay I'll write. It's not like I can talk to anybdy else about everything. I watched 'just like heaven' and 'while u were sleeping'. Both were romantic comedies. I'd give the comments on them later on. What I wanted to say was, Life is a dream or reality? infact...what is reality? is reality a dream too? I am bogged down by the philosophical questions. There's supposedly a great seminar on phisolophical dimension of the global issues under the coordination of Prof.Sanil on the 20th, 21st and 22nd of March...I saw the poster smwhr. I really dun wanto miss it. I shall surely be a part of the seminar. That's on my calender for now after having not spent my time optimally on the desirable activities so far. I am moving on into a brigher portion of the Universe day after day...in wisdom and faith, and I do know things with get on track all by themselves as my unfailing intuition suggests :).

Confused

2006-03-15T11:00:00.000-08:00

With me, my brain struggles to settle an issue before it proceeds to another one. I am so often confronted with this trait into construction and self-destruction both. Should I complain? I really do not know. I am only trying to clarify my opinion about my self. Infact 'intelligence' is using anything and everything to your advantage. Delivering this message, my mysterious brain, the territory I aim conquering sooner or later, shall want to stop this contemplation. I'd write more later..am tired :(.

Amidst Anew

2006-03-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

Was there a phase in ur life when u felt so small??? so small that you never wanted to be, so small that your should have otherwise been a giant in comparision? It's a dawn of the real and the inherent me in the existing me. I encountered befogging discomfort when I realised all times gone by unrecognised by my own self. I felt smaller than ever and held severe contempt for self for a few very intense hours of frustration. I called up a couple of friends which worsened the matters. After so much of a struggle, I called up mom. She's divine. I have no words that can express the gratitude she deserves from me. If there's something so pure in this world, it has to be mom's love for me before anything. She saw through my grief and said things I needed to hear. For the first time after I was through JEE, now, today I feel this way, so ashamed, so apolegetic for right reasons. The spirit of achivement, the spirit of ambition, the spirit of self-satisfaction have missed their turns in my heart n soul for quite an unexcusable deal of time. I have no complaints about all these, because I can see my real me unperished and sprouting within me again. This post is for me (totally autobiographical). I do not want readers to be disappointed at my self-conceit here. So here I am amidst anew myself.

I'd be back with purposive blogging in the place of impulsive blogging hereafer. I am inspired by Nish's blog and Thakur's blog to an extent for their universal and useful contents. Btw, the Delhi's weather has turned more romantic than ever. I was indoors all the while befogged so bad with instrospective conversations with self that I beleive though have troubled me, will help me evolve finally to who I am and who I would be. Oh by the way, a tiny quotation...

' Who you are is what you do '

That drove a lot of sense into me...so will it for others I hope...:)!
Fantastic! Now, I'd leave to hay. Ciao ppl!

Predictable life

2006-03-13T12:36:00.000-08:00

Were thr no women, men wud have lived like Gods :)
:))...ha ha....sm guy quoted that...hilarious it was ha ha!

My future during the next couple of years is in front of me. I am pretty surprised at the predictability that I've arrived at. I dun wanto complain that it's boring...cause am the most responsible for what happens to me :). I am surely not getting married. I may travel across the continent for a few months. I shall surely evolve the most during these two years. I'd spend quite some time with mom back town. These r sure facts. I am happy...and enthralled at the predictability that set in so unpredictably in my so thought adventurous life.

I dun wanto delve into details for reasons of personal secrecy. No conspiracies...it's just a little
gracefrul. I am all given to being good and divine. Let's await the future's surprises :)!

Such a nice weather

2006-03-12T04:17:00.000-08:00

Yeah..it is the most fantastic time of the year. Just the weather is capable of making soul(s) so happy...hw wonderful is God's creation...really wow. Blessed and thrilled am I to live through it.
Despite, my conscience's pricking me from within. I know why...I did not study today...I slept and had strange dreams. I feel miserable when I knw am being worthless...:(. I feel so sorry and apolegetic. I know...the guilt trips kill a lot of time. I'd employ my faculty to overcome the destruction from within hereafter. I shall not do anything that may cause disgrace of dissatisfaction to myself. Every minute is a present that's invaluable.

One ought to mute all the complexities within oneself...before one can get completely absorbed by a job. These complexities are associated with negative emotions as...fear, intimidation, anger, etc. Eliminating these emotions makes ur path obstacle-less. Now, to move ahead in the what one needs is dedication and TOTAL dedication. Laxity has no place when there is total dedication.

I think that was a ideal piece of lesson to myself. Was crushed and struggling within for the self-created irregularities. Am done for now!

I dunno what to call this post...

2006-03-11T10:15:00.000-08:00

I am happy...and so contained today. Maybe it's the weather...or it's mom who din complain so much today...or mayb it's the fact that I dun have any more afternoon classes to attend (well I din attend them when they were thr though). Whatever...lets hope things only better. I really wish to do many things other than what I am supposed to be doing...
I wish to read Thakur's blog posts in and out and 'understand' them
I wish to go home...hang out wth mom n dad for a weekend
I wish I cud go to a nice movie with and spend time talking to Kanna
I wish I cud shop briefly and get the best deals on the necessary stuff
I wish I cud catch up wth a movie every week on my computer..and a couple of animated movies
I wish I can catch up wth all the art exhibitions and concerts in the city...and actively observe
the societial crowd of the capital before I leave Delhi.
I wish I get to clarify my concepts on things of interest to me - womem empowerment, graceful living etc..besides also jotting my finiding purposively.
I wish I can read all the expert magazines on business, life, art, and travel every month.
So these are the few on the list. I plan to sacrife them.

Oops thr r other necessary things on my mind too...like...
I shud refresh my German...
I shud save a job at hometown for leisure times...
Before anything else...
1. My Project...should finalise itself.
2. The Pre prep...ought to pick pace.

Btw...am totally carried away by certain things recently...I know what a disgrace it is to me to live wth such immaturity. One kinda pampers oneself with excuses based upon the conventional definition of a human being. Who really has the total authority to define a human being??? I strongly feel, every soul should try to be a trend setter...this helps the humanity evolve with no inhibitions. My mind's wandering all the way between the extremes. Lolita, A ClockWork Orange, The Ramayana, Gandhi...life's about creativity and nothing more nothing less. Whatever, my point is to convey that I feel...one should develop, though subjective, yet an unbiased thinking process by trying to mute what so ever perception filter he/she has acquired over a little life he/she lived in a little world of his/her own, of the rooted prejudices. Some prejudices are out of sight to even the wisest...this is baffling but true as I somehow believe.

Before I end...I'd wanto make a tiny claim and exemplify it sooner than later. Luck's out there at your reach totally...u only rn't wanting it...when u think u rn't deserving it...:). I read Nish's blog...I really admire her posts...they are pretty useful. I suggest MBA aspirants to check them out.

Meanwhile...good luck to ppl waiting for the mains' results...esp. those who are my friends!

Me back

2006-03-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

Nobdy's commenting on my blog posts...but that's okie...I write my posts for myself like great musicians compose music for themselves :).

I feel so many things at once...my mind's so mercilessly victimising me to very little concordance. I feel all the emotions in series non-stop leaving me perplexed and worthless at the end of each passing day. Focus is what am looking for...am still looking...I'll find the damn focus soon and fix it with me atleast till it serves my crucial purposes. I was so sleepy in the class today...chi...I am such a jerk...hw cud I take the classes so lightly???...only I know hw many I bunked :(...I'll begin to cry if I continue writing. I am chucking off the post right away. Will visit and write when I've my mood up again.

Times of grace

2006-03-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

I'd keep my blog autobiographical till am a little free to conceptualise and present things in a purposive note.

Today was good. Probably the last day I spent chilling, for another couple of months. I visited the Bharatyam recital by Malavika Sarukkai in the Seminar hall in the evening. She weaved the performance with a subtle journey through the abstract parameters that were new or unnoticed by me till today. I felt amazing and this experience in addition to taking me to nostalgic and intellectual highs pointed out hw worthy my time is. Where exactly I may try to invest it in the future. Anyways...so thr was a Ntriyanjali, tillana and two varnams (I think!)...depicting the two self-choreographed ancient literary works, one was this yudhistara's dwaitavana yatra, and the other was frm the sangam age (3rd centure B.C) which was an intense piece on love of a kanya . The Yudhistara's yatra piece was magnificient...u see the epitomicity of the Indian art form in almost perfection. I cud see her carrying off every moment so confidently all through the performing time...though the foot work seemed a little lighter than I knew it as...I noticed the body's taughtness and the alignment with the feeling aspects I guess for the frst time. The nrityas were not such eye-feasts they cud have been...yet the rhythmic capture was worth a lot of appreciation. The grace...the bliss...took me through the nostalgic blues and also a world anew awaiting arms open.

I can write bounds and bounds on such fantastic moments I wish to fill my life further with too. I completely failed to feel the absence of a company ;) too during the whole while. Coming back to other things...instead of being UPSC struck...I know am being relaxed and well to clarify...I have been doing it deliberately. I feel I can strike back to the abosorbed state of existance when am doing things with passion and devotion...and that should take care of the necessary :):):). Great...now I'd leave...it was nice blogging today.

Vacant, but Reserved?

2006-03-05T11:49:00.000-08:00

Laugh at this post ppl...thats okay. I feel this way...and am just writing it.

I am talking about the heart. U knw it's vacant though u really hate it being that way. U reserve it....reserve it for whom?? I quite dunno....smone special...blah blah...one cud get so filmy. I have no idea who's that...but well if he exists, then I dun really knw if he'd be worth all this reservation. Well amn't being a DDLJ grl here....but then...truly it's an almost a definite phase in every grl's life it seems to me. I am fingers crossed at the moment for a tale to begin...all so pretty and wonderful...like it is in all the fables I've lived through my life. Reality should be more wonderful to have given rise to such virtuality (the movies, tales, and other fictitious concepts)...so am I going to get that oppurtunity to live in such a reality???...all's a mystery...a very romantic mystery...till my aura draws a blueprint and it gets revealed to me. I may begin pleasing the aura first. I dun think anyone can comprehend what I had written in the last. Well it's abt a technique by which u can get lucky ;).

5 acts of significance

2006-02-28T09:48:00.000-08:00

I came up with this interesting plan that could make my life a lot more fun and meaningful. I'd make sure that I do 5 good things each day. Y this number 5?? yea well..it's a little math...will getto talk abt it smtime later. But yeah for nw...mmm this is the deal. And I'd keep a dairy of mine...which records these 5 good things that I'd do each day. Sounds great!!

I cud have attended the Raman Kutty Nair's Kathakali today. I din...coz thr was some introscpection that was required. Also a little planning stuff. I'll try to not miss the dances...in the seminar hall atleast...Ms.Sarukkai's and Ms.Mansingh's. I really wanto not miss the L.Sub's violin too...lets see. I also need to visit Delhi Haat smday...and mmm a little shopping is up my sleeve too. I've deserted socialisation completely. I dun think am missing on anyth...coz in any case my state of mind wunt allow me to make merry from the heart...even though I try hard. I'd only be absorbed by the superficial wordly impermanance causing a greater distraction to the noble mission. I dun think thr's time to experiment juggling sustaining order. Great...will getto talking more next.

Chandana

Some lines...

2006-02-28T09:11:00.000-08:00

If your happiness depends on what somebody else does, I guess you do
have a problem.
-- Richard Bach, "Illusions"
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging
their prejudices."
-- William James

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
-- C. Schulz
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.
-- Bertrand Russell
Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
-- Oscar Wilde
What one fool can do, another can.
-- Ancient Simian Proverb

After watching an extremely attractive maternity-ward patient
earnestly thumbing her way through a telephone directory for several
minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
"No, thanks," smiled the young mother, "I'm just looking for a
name for my baby."
"But the hospital supplies a special booklet that lists hundreds
of first names and their meanings," said the orderly.
"That won't help," said the woman, "my baby already has a first name."

"It's easier said than done."

... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than
said, and you'll see that "it's easier said that `it's easier done than
said' than it is done", which really proves that "it's easier said than
done".

Make a wish, it might come true.

I distrust a close-mouthed man. He generally picks the wrong time to talk
and says the wrong things. Talking's something you can't do judiciously,
unless you keep in practice. Now, sir, we'll talk if you like. I'll tell
you right out, I'm a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk.
-- Sidney Greenstreet, "The Maltese Falcon"

Epperson's law:
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably
something his wife can beat him at.

Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.

Entreprenuer, n.:
A high-rolling risk taker who would rather
be a spectacular failure than a dismal success.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town,
we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
-- Jack Handley

Courage is your greatest present need.

Some people need a good imaginary cure for their painful imaginary ailment.

There is only one way to kill capitalism -- by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
-- Karl Marx
To any truly impartial person, it would be obvious that I am always right.

I gave up Smoking, Drinking and Sex. It was the most *horrifying* 20
minutes of my life!

Diplomacy is to do and say, the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
-- Balfour

Don't interfere with the stranger's style.

You can't have everything... where would you put it?
-- Steven Wright

It is not well to be thought of as one who meekly submits to insolence and
intimidation.

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

Believe everything you hear about the world; nothing is too impossibly bad.
-- Honore de Balzac

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

A quotation!

2006-02-27T09:39:00.000-08:00

Dun tell God hw big your problems are, tell the problems hw big ur God is.

Such a nice quotation it was..:)..yeah I liked it!!

.......................

2006-02-26T12:10:00.001-08:00

Yeah am sleepy...yet writing...

I had a boring day today. I knw I can't afford such a feeling at this point of time ...yet it happens smtimes...that u r forced to realize u r not perfect to all the dismay :(. That doesn't essentially prove u rn't perfect though :).

I've so little time to finish doing so much. I wonder if I may accomplish stuff am aiming to. I've deviated from the path of unadulterated devotion towards my ambition(s) for quite some years now. I wonder if am forgivable at all. I wish the miracles prove their existence by setting my path correct and enable me travel that way. I am referring to the benevolent one....I strongly wish he gets cool wth me...and takes me through the times. I am ready to perform my part in this deal. I'd only be the perfect grl he's looking for...:">.

Nice!!!

2006-02-24T09:24:00.000-08:00

I feel good today...it's the onset of pretty summers. The smell of those early summer flowers is bringing a lotta nostalgy to the forth. Ah...great...it was a fair and a nice day. I feel pretty complacent at the end of it.

Mmmm fine I feel more intelligence entering my brain and body too. Thats the news. Hec (that's hw I sound when I try to laugh) ! Okay...so mm...almost all suspected ppl tested negative of the bird flu in India...all is fine and safe...good. I have a little wisdom to share. During some phases in life people are emotional about a thing or a person to a severe extent that they feel sad, depressed, dejected and totally worthless for a significant period of time. They are totally forgetting hw beautiful and bigger the world is...they seemingly wanto build a wall around them and perish inside when they are stuck or hung up on somebody or something like that. I know this is not new or unknown wisdom esp. to the people in the picture...yet love traps them. Love's a trap...thats how I define it. Now, intelligent people (I dun mean the shrewd ones) take an advantage of the trap totally...coz trying to avoid the trap is like unconsciously moving towards a bigger trap :P. Pretty good 'eh? I knw I am.

Now there are bigger issues which need attention from the great minds...like me. So why not I ponder on them?? Have been thinking on these essential lines for a while...n it's time NOW to act on it. Wish me good luck all my frens. I love u all so much who stood by me in times of all kinds..:x :x :x!

A sign of my transformation would be the change in the nature of my blogs...shall try to keep them a little less biographical :D....I only promised I'd try :D...I am an art-grl anyway, I wonder hw much I'd succeed in technicalities.

Me back

2006-02-21T10:12:00.000-08:00

Hello World...

I am back all enthusiastic to write. Well they were a little longer few days in the most recent past...for some stupid reasons. In any case everyth is an experience of life.

Okay...now wht? yeah....am here again in the lab. It's like I wake up...exercise...go to the lab...go to the reading room..come back sleep...and do this everyday. It kinda sucked to do the same stuff...I went to Barista...had a coffee with a couple of cookies today. It felt a little cool...but then all the calories got me drowned in a different kinda guilt. I hate to be eating a grain mroe than required really. Eating only the required is a very beautiful habit. If one is healthy more than half of life's problems are solved. Huh...I talk trivia..I knw!!!

Okay...well...lemme try talking sense. I spoke to Suz today online...was strained emotionally a little bit, and I felt like talkin only to her...when I went online. She was so damn sweet...she suggested some universal solutions to the most common feminine problems. What a commonality we have...the fairer sex...all over the world no matter what race we are. I think am a woman before am an Indian. I feel so strongly about it nowadays. I hope to volunteer for the cause of female voicing in a substantial way when I stand high with power.

I have been lately developing my thinking over relationships...had really vigorous talks with mom and Poo...it was informative...n seemed necessary...but smhw again...I dun enjoy it so much invovling oneself in the relationship mess. It is mostly non-productive...though it cud seem the most essential at the moment. Oh yeah...I watched this movie "too young to be a dad"...it was nice...though emotionally draining. The lead's mom had such an appropriate face and expressions that u can't help but feel so strained after the intense drama. Otherwise the movie brings forth parent-child understanding aspects a little too sensitively and intensely. I think the intensity was required to keep it real. I knw whts the friction wth folks is like...totally...ask me anyday!!! And...I watched the 10 most fascinating ppl of 2005...reality show episode...it was okay. Nothing much more interesting than the casual - planning and failing to implement things to perfection...is happening with me as of now. I shud be able to write a nicer blog sooner with certain stuff getting in place and newer and sweeter breezes swiftly moving around. I think I'd stop the post here. More when we meet next.

Bye people!!

An episode

2006-02-20T10:41:00.000-08:00

I felt like I sailed through another channel of life. It was a total package of emotions and modifications to the existing beliefs.

Today, I watched an episode of 'friends', well I cud always be put off any kind of distress for about 20 minutes with an episode. I am so in search of people who think like me. I dun really know if am upto wildgoose chase or a worthy quest. Lets wait and watch. I am so drowsy...and I can't continue this post smhw....I feel lethargic...maybe coz I overate....uff! My eyelids are getting heavier at a real fast rate....I'll go now...will continue later probably.

Blog Checking

2006-02-18T11:59:00.000-08:00

hello

Casual..

2006-02-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

Spoke to Nish today..it was quite a talk...haven't been in touch wth hwe for long. I saw her blog...wow..it was touchy, informative and thought provoking. I'd link her blog to mine. It was nice to remember the good old school days. I wish I'd get to meet all my childhood teachers soon.

Great...so nth great's been happening wth me apart frm the usual stuff. I had a brief partying at Ajit's post-wed gathering. It was sorta fun and so much trouble coz of momy...she doesn't want me to go anywhr...uff!...thats again as usual...nth new abt it. I watched jinda...such a drama it was...hw innovative are our movie makers!!!! John...man...he can't play a villian so good...he was losing himself into the drama a bit too much to make it seem so artificial. Mayb it's the script's fault I...can't relly say. Sania's rated the sexiest woman in India by sm TV channel...follwed by Aish. And well...Delhi's weather's been great though. My V-Day was as shady as ever...yet I have no regrets for...I find difference good most often than not.

That's abt the updates. I have no plans for the coming days...so my blogging may gather no pace for a while...unless I run into sm sorta unpredictable situations. Alright...I'd go nw...g'nite!!!

A casual post

2006-02-08T09:08:00.000-08:00

Grabbing time to blog :)...I feel good. Hmm life's been so different from yesterday...why or hw..is a mystery. Dun ask!

Anyways...it's a lovely spring's night...I am pretty tired...but I dun wanto sleep...I wanto catch up with life so much. I see somethings changing wow. Have been thinking abt what's the mission in my life...a lot very vague way of asking and tryin to ans qns...I knw...yet...I think that's okay. Happiness is not a destination...it's a journey - I quoted it :)...ain't it right? I feel if thats the spirit of life...then u r being really wise.

Alright I'd write sm things I wanto do...

1. I relly wanto have a little puppy to go walking wth.
2. I wish to visit Brazil, Zaire.
4. I feel like performing my dance form at a concert.
5. I wanto learn Spanish.
6. Yeah...I am so dying to learn and play tennis.
7. I so want to study theatre.
8. Can I swim in the Eng. Channel...a little bit?
9. I wanto have a boyfriend I like (this is sth that am so skeptical abt happening out of all :()
10. I love 'friends' so much...so I'd wanto have a friends episode cast wth me playing a part in it.
11. I'd wanto meet Reese Witherspoon.

That was enuff....great...I cud go on and on though :D.

Good ones

2006-02-07T11:15:00.000-08:00

mixed emotions:
Watching your mother-in-law back off a cliff...
in your brand new Merced

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
And make errors few people could bear;
You complain about everyone's English but yours --
Do you really think this is quite fair?"

"I make lots of mistakes," Father William declared,
"But my stature these days is so great
That no critic can hurt me -- I've got them all scared,
And to stop me it's now far too late."

The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey.
-- Andy Warhol

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference
between a mermaid and a seal.
-- Mark Twain

Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.

I love children. Especially when they cry -- for then someone takes them away.
-- Nancy Mitford

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The
reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of
thirty-five.
-- Joel Hildebrand

Involvement with people is always a very delicate thing --
it requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.
-- Bernard Cooke

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems
is a symptom of professional immaturity.
-- Edsger Dijkstra

He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.
-- Lao Tsu

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
working for you.
-- Will Rogers

Volcanoes have a grandeur that is grim
And earthquakes only terrify the dolts,
And to him who's scientific
There is nothing that's terrific
In the pattern of a flight of thunderbolts!
-- W.S. Gilbert, "The Mikado"

There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.

Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
-- Shakespeare

An afternoon

2006-02-05T23:27:00.000-08:00

Hello!!

A spring afternoon...am inside the lab...it feels good...pretty institute building from the windows...all unoccupied systems...just me alone typing to glory. I've this newspaper and research papers all around me reminding of work. I'd go for a coffee in a while too. I've gotten a few browser windows open wth news across the seas...it's all simply a lot to do. I also have my quicknotes pad getting crowded wth decisions resolutions and Plans of Action...simply a lot to do. I am a little afraid if am wasting time....mayb I am upto a tiny presentation this evening...I think I am....I committed to it. I dun care lemme write yet...

In the life's journey to where I have absolutely no idea...there are times which you never wanted and which you dun want too...but still they come by...what can U do anyth abt such times??? I think I have a little idea...it's all Karma theory again. Living a lie...is an art or self-deception??? ... I dunno if thrs a pragmatic ans. around really. I am doing Philosophy for all the quest-conflicts I bcm a victim of. Let me see how well it educates me. In any case...one undebatable fact of life is...one should not let the moments slip off...and when do u knw the times off ur hands???...when u r not happy....as being happy is a natural state of every soul - the state of anand. Yea another practical funda of life...from me...is that one shunt give a damn to what others think. It after all is an unbound universe...am not a leftist or a feminist here...am just being an open minded individual to my eyes.

I am already drowsy for a coffee. Shall slip off the table into the glorious sunshine...

A feeling

2006-01-31T10:54:00.000-08:00

I smtimes feel boys are mean...it doesn't apply to all of them...yet to most of them it does. I really dun like not trusting people...but well...I guess if am a grl I have to not trust boys coz most of them are deceptively mean. It's like to having to learn doing what u dun like doing :(. Yet I ask the same question...do I really need to suspect ppl always...:(...if I am to not get offended in some manner??? My limited worldly wisdom doesn't include a correct answer to this qn. I wish smone can throw some light.

Some interesting lines...

2006-01-31T08:39:00.000-08:00

Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was
going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then
being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends.

Grub first, then ethics.
-- Bertolt Brech

Brogan's Constant:
People tend to congregate in the back of the church and the
front of the bus.

Flattery will get you everywhere.

"What terrible way to die."
"There are no good ways."
-- Sulu and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown

hat we need in this country, instead of Daylight Savings Time, which nobody
really understands anyway, is a new concept called Weekday Morning Time,
whereby at 7 a.m. every weekday we go into a space-launch-style "hold" for
two to three hours, during which it just remains 7 a.m. This way we could
all wake up via a civilized gradual process of stretching and belching and
scratching, and it would still be only 7 a.m. when we were ready to actually
emerge from bed.
-- Dave Barry, "$#$%#^%!^%&@%@!"

Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time,
There's something wrong here, there can be no more denying,
One of us is changing, or maybe we just stopped trying,

And it's too late, baby, now, it's too late,
Though we really did try to make it,
Something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it...

It used to be so easy living here with you,
You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do
Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool.

There'll be good times again for me and you,
But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it too?
But I'm glad for what we had and that I once loved you...

But it's too late baby...
It's too late, now darling, it's too late...
-- Carol King, "Tapestry"

April 1

This is the day upon which we are reminged of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Talent does what it can.
Genius does what it must.
You do what you get paid to do.

The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning,
and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
-- H.D. Thoreau

The difference between sentiment and being sentimental is the following:
Sentiment is when a driver swerves out of the way to avoid hitting a
rabbit on the road. Being sentimental is when the same driver, when
swerving away from the rabbit hits a pedestrian.
-- Frank Herbert, "The White Plague"

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3

0. integrated 0. management 0. options
1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility
2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability
3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility
4. functional 4. digital 4. programming
5. responsive 5. logistical 5. concept
6. optional 6. transitional 6. time-phase
7. synchronized 7. incremental 7. projection
8. compatible 8. third-generation 8. hardware
9. balanced 9. policy 9. contingency

The procedure is simple. Think of any three-digit number, then select
the corresponding buzzword from each column. For instance, number 257 produces
"systematized logistical projection," a phrase that can be dropped into
virtually any report with that ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority. "No
one will have the remotest idea of what you're talking about," says Broughton,
"but the important thing is that they're not about to admit it."
-- Philip Broughton, "How to Win at Wordsmanship"

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men
have mediocrity thrust upon them.
-- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"

To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.

Things worth having are worth cheating for.

QOTD:
All I want is a little more than I'll ever get.

Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time
as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.
-- Philippus Paracelsus

For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel. And if one can
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
-- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"

[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to powerfail recovery.]

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy

You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Never frighten a small man -- he'll kill you.

General notions are generally wrong.
-- Lady M.W. Montagu

A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.

So much in thot

2006-01-28T03:09:00.000-08:00

Since lately... I've begun feeling the materialistic attacment empty. Everywhr I see arnd...I see a bunch of tech-savy ppl busy beeing wth their laptops...be it's the study room, the coffee shop, in the mess, or in the department's corridor. I am not realy unhappy for this century's tech-revolution that has enlarged the virtual dependence to the extent of total tech-slavery...but certainly there is a distance between a metro-human and the nature thats widening at a very rapid rate. I dun really intend to write an essay here...yet a little concern that bothered me.

Hmmm in any case...I'll move now.

Skepticality

2006-01-26T08:34:00.000-08:00

Hw do u differentiate when u r being too skeptical and when u r not??? Thats such a difficult time killing question really. Well I knw...that happens wth me all the time. Now, a way out is suggested by defining ur standards at unprecedented levels with no provision fro compromises. Life's after all a challenge...and if fear dominates u have already failed.

I am not trying to be cryptic....just that the flow of thoughts can't take a more specific shape than abstraction at times. Uff...okay...I'd go have a coffee...and get to working sincerely NOW...and HEREON.

...

2006-01-25T23:07:00.000-08:00

Am not intending to get philosophical now...will try to keep it simple.

It's really a great time I've been having these days. I am totally in bliss...but yes...my subconscious is under extreme struggle...it only manages to manifest in the afternoon dreams I have smtimes. I feel sick and sunk after I wake up. I have fears, and complexes withing me burried deep within...to feel any close to a happy person. I realised this pretty recently. I dun feel ashamed or derogated in acknowledging the inner me. I did not welcome the inner enemies consciously...but they arrived and are prevailing within. I know I need to fight them back...and it is really true that it is not going to be easy. But wth the right company...I can fly colourfully out of my Kurukshetra.

Nevertheless that was an intense paragraph. Lately the developments were phenomenol...quite memorable and worthwhile maybe. I din make the optimum utilization of time...yet the contemplations about life...which I do usually...I dun think are a total waste. Whats more important is one shud not be lazy, and remain vice-conscious...what one does wth one's time is totally destined otherwise.

Great...I dun think I'd plunge into any social pools this week...but it's still the middle of the week...lets see. Daddy may visit me towards the end of the month...he's got sm official visit to Delhi. I cancelled my plans of goin to the Intl. Stone Fair...time's pinching to that extent. Talked to Kanna abt his crush problems...I believe I'd be of help...he's so young and bound to be immature...things like those disturb one more than desired...unfortunately again thats part of life...swimming through them gets inevitable. I can only drive in timely wisdom though (not asif I boast am so wise...yet..). I thin I'll get back to what I was doing now. It was nice writing the blog.

Luv
CHandana

fighting hard

2006-01-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

I can't help but think of certain things...while I am so required to focus elsewhere. It is posing a CHALLENGE totally fight-worthy. I need to fight back...and win my way through. When ur thinking is independent...when u think at the level of ultimate abstraction you can carve ur way through the life...u eventually get what u want...and are happy at the end of the day. THis truth is universal. Yet the inertia..the comfort zone of worldliness smhw keeps u failing to so. Let the bravo in me jump out into action right now!....damn I talk abt myself all the time....an egotist trait...I can't deny....uff!

Truly...

2006-01-22T03:10:00.000-08:00

I saw this list of things u did...on Abhinav's blog...that was quite a post!!

And...well...the Sunday afternoon was spent in figuring out some facts of life...watching a couple of movies partially..of which one was kuch kuch hota hai...uff hindi movies are hindi movies...glancing through 'Travellor'...and well looking at the damn Femina (this time's edition focusses on 'men'...whts wrong wth women really???)...also reading sm blogs n listening to sm my usual numbers. I am strangely not feeling all that sleepy today. OH yea...I had a new haircut today...I look absolutely shocking and funky...but thats ok..I have always considered myself a trend setter...so no worries as long as am not looking ugly.

And well....the important thing is...I shud study...man...that's not happening...I wish I had the endurance...the power to enjoy what am really supposed to enjoy..let me watch if I slip in the right groove at the right time.

Nevertheless life's beautiful...and I knw why...great...back to my job...o am relly hungry...I may eat a fruit chat...n go to wrk. I really wanto curb my desire to communicate too much to fellow-human as I knw I overdo it...so am takin the help of a non-living blog for the purpose.

Lots n lotsa love...

Grande dame

2006-01-21T12:37:00.000-08:00

Thats a total feeling am with at the end of this week. It was awsome except for some unavoidable blunders. Growing wiser is such an exciting thing in itself...totally!

No intentions of staying criptic on the details here....so well...I had nice time truly. Met new ppl...n seemingly nice ppl...and messed up sm stuff as usual. Watched a couple of movies..."Shall we Dance" and "Pyar mein Twist"...all in sheer desperation. I dunno when I'd have time for it and then I'd watch a movie...in a heartfelt manner...waah. I see lotta batchees classmates lingering in the campus premises only to remind me hw detremental my nonachievement phases were...aw..it hurts more than anyth to think of all that. Nevertheless I am not like 80...I've oppurtunity and potential to prove my worth. Great!

Alright I...am into a calculated socialization too these days...thats a decent strategy to build upon the time savers. I think I'll end my post here...for yea I hope to write again soon wth more updates...possibly wth details then ;).

A little philosophy...

2006-01-11T22:46:00.000-08:00

Wow...I had a great week.

There are questions I ask myself...answer them with great contemplation...and I try to modify the answer...again...and do it again and again and again asif I have unlimited time. Thus I have wasted millions of hrs of beautiful life. What should one do about it??? Begin to enjoy it...or do what you enjoy truly only. Truly is the keyword here.

Every moment that slips off u is beautiful because...the moment is the present from the most special person (God)...it's ur capability of perceiving it right. The moment you learn it...I believe u have achieved salvation. I knw am trying to be a philosopher...why not?

Back to the earthly conversations...I am struggling to strike a careful balance between life and it's security. Let me watch where I'd move...I dun mind watching my own movie...and having fun.

The days of my life...

2005-12-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

23rd December 2005, the day will pass...and so will everyth change :)...life moves on. I'd keep writing...and reading it again myself...

Tonight the cold stopped biting...seemed a relief. Strangely I feel I've little to talk right now...wow!

I'll write a bit abt the Haridwar trip. It was a brief and a beautiful outing. I'll remember the the Ganga arti, the hot cookies we had at the Lakshman Jhula...the calf we took photographs wth...the show-snakes...the chotuwala restraunt at Rishikesh, ...Poonam's home and everyth. Mummy and Kanna liked the temple they managed to climb up n dwn at Rishikesh. I liked the liveliness of the places...they were pretty...though a little jumbled. But yea...dun ever attempt a travel by road to Haridwar from Delhi...the traffic sucks and really tests ur patience. But for the to n fro long hrs in the car...everyth else was cool. We missed the rope-way drive in Haridwar as it got late tht particular day. The Ganga waters were clear, chill and sacred...I only wished I had the time and the state of mind to examine the sanctity aspect longer :).

I feel like putting forward sth. I wunt name the person or the place here. But yea...I had this fren who belonged to a particular state. He/She was awfully crooked. Now, when I encounter the state or it's people smtime...I just dun trust them. I knw am being immature smwhr....but hw does one get rid of such involuntarily formed prejudices???
Nevermind!!

Okay...I think thats enuff today....else I already have passed into the cribbing mode...shall obediently disperse rather than lamenting.

ME - What I love

2005-12-20T09:05:00.000-08:00

I am such an egotist...I knw...I cud be awarded the most useless blogger award. But well...I dun care :)...I want to be one for the time being!

I'd write the things that I love...

God, mom, flowers, forests, squirrels, deers, pink, Ashton, India, Coconut beaches, temple fragnance, dance, music, mountains, spring, birds, all baby animals, the idea of falling in love, etc....that was so nice to think of several things I like ...:):):)!!!

Will continue later :)...

Energy

2005-12-20T08:47:00.000-08:00

I realized sth lately. When u have to work hard...or u have several things to take care of...u r tired mentally...thrs sth that can efficiently and most quickly pull u up...thats a feeling 'am loved' :). It's the second most desirable feeling known as far as my knowledge is concerned. Thr is a tremendous energy in the feeling that can keep u going in whatever cicumstances you are. Lucky are those who perceive this feeling.

What to do?

2005-12-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

I am so constrained at this point of time in my life to do sths...for my good though. I feel suffocated and relieved both in the correct proportion to drive me towards the right things. God thanks for everyth....love you always :).

Frustrated

2005-12-17T09:33:00.000-08:00

Not so often do I find an occasion to blog like this. My mind's like a pot of burning coal seeking to be chilled in any possible way....uff. My hands r helping me wholly hang down the cliff of the last oppurtunity. Gosh thats a deadly but truly familiar description. I am running out of time. The time's playing infidility wth me...outrageously frustrated wth the time-cruch I stand bewildered at the cross junction of the past present and the future. Crap...y do I try getting poetic even when things are so critical...thrs a true dramatist in me.

Chuck it...lemme relax and speak....

Had really good and essential time wth folks...am still having it...they shall be in the capital till the 26th of December. I dun think I was any bit responsible all the while...am the eldest kid at home...damn...wht was I thinking all the while...all jolly go lucky grl I was??? I deserve a tight slap...I think I do. Self-accusation doesn't lerad anywhr....am writing the blog so shamelessly...nevermind...I had no other vent. I din feel like talkin to any specific friend.

I am so not serene...for a pleasant post...am so sorry readers...I have to let my feelings out...be its beneficial or not to u guys.

Nevermind...I'll stop here...and get back wth a POA...asap.

Amateur

2005-12-09T03:37:00.000-08:00

Cudn't getto this page all the while...besides that...having read it smwhr that blogging is addictive kept me off too. Anyways back to sths I have to say.

I've had an eventful week. Attened Poonam's brot's wedding which was a memorable gathering. Met sm really nice people. Now, to talk abt it will take me forever...so am deferring that. And mmm mom n dad r goin b here tomm. I shud have fun. Things are thankfuly at peace and I can manage them yes!! I am confident.

Differently

2005-11-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

I was going through different times. Lately I've come across certain important things in life like...

1. I was stuck in an enclosure(of introspection) and refused to get out all the while. Now, I am totally aware of the existance of a newer and a more exciting world outside.

2. I had some really entangled and confused relationships with certain others. I've known their roots and have been able to successfully treat the same.

3. I believe I am enjoying my present 'Search of Wisdom' the greatest :).

4. I see that I began feeling strongly for the right things and the right people.

5. I have begun to realise the higher truths.

Alright a pause now. Okay...watched Samsara...a Nepalise(is it??) movie. It was nice...a soul-stimulation experience. I may attempt a review sometime later. And...yea I watched so much lately...I knw am a video buff :(. Fortunately the blog's allowing me to post sth...it doesn't do so normally in the room because of the poor net speed.

Resolution

2005-11-09T12:46:00.000-08:00

Today isn't a new yr's eve or my birthday yet am making a resolution. I am so pissed of by my off-late habit of talking too much. I've turned garrulant - it's just not the way I am or want to be. To preserve 'myself' I take up a resolution to talk little, really little. How do I quantify how much I talk is determined by the utility value of everyth I speak. Fine! God please bless me wth precision :). This resolution is on for a week from now. It should work am sure :)...la la la!!

Nov 9th

2005-11-09T09:54:00.000-08:00

A great Chinese philosopher said...

"Each day u must add to ur knowledge and must remove for the wisdom". Brilliant! is't it? I think so :). Some obvious truths like these just go unnoticed by us and are uncovered by great men and women.

I attended a talk on the Infrastructure Development in China. It began with the presentation of some basic comparing data of the both the nations (India and China), the strategies adopted by them, and finally the present scenario in subjective, suggestive and objective terms. It was good to see a precise picture of it coupled with personal experiences of eminent people with enormous experience in the relevant areas. But then, the talkers, I wonder if deliberately left the hidden truths to the imagination of the audience - I felt it that way as I seemed to know more than what they talked about both the economies today. In any case am open to debate with my own comment to present a clearer picture. China's infrastructure development stands an instance of absolute awe to us Indians. Esp. cities like Shanghai are sure techno marvels. It presents an unbelievable picture infront of us having began it's development only along with us from the days of Independence. A totally different political regime doesn't alone explain the difference, as we can easily come up with other predominant factors like strategy, efficiency, self-confidence. Before I express my opinions I shall brief the core issues.

I'll try to recollect what has been learnt today. For the figures, I'd take time if I am to tabulate, therefore I'll present the views alone.

Power:

In the power sector, China's doing amazingly well producing 450,000 MW of power annually, while India produces 120,000MW annually. The huge hydro-power projects self-managed, of around 20,000 MW were described as instances of pride and rapid increase in the power production. The world norms could not take their restrictive influence over China. I wonder what the Environmentalists have to say about this, and why are the activists' voices low there about the Environmental cost they seem to be encountering. Well, the rehabiliation was met in a far better way than in India, was an additional piece of information. Annual Power addition stands at 50,000-70,000 MW in CHina and in India it's 5000 - 7000 MW.

Manufacturing:

This is known as the hard sector. It's obvious that the facilities: the great roads, buildings and technology in China, pushed manufacturing sector so much ahead of India though we rule the automobile and components industry. I need an explanation here so as to how :(! India's advantage comes from it's skilled manpower. China's laguage problem is being resolved by their focussed effort. About 33% of University students doing Engineering in China, in contrast to 4% in India illustrates this. The English speaking segment of the society also had a very rapid growth.
Oh also the labour productivity China is 2 times that if India's. This can be seen why.

Industry-Services:

We are at an advantage currently due to the skilled and English speaking manpower. We shine in the software deparment as it doesn't require substantial infrastructure to be developed as we can see. Yet, this area is being conquered by the Chinese with rapid advancements.

Okay....there's a lot I shall wanto write. I'd have top do something else now. So guys take a berak now :).

My Blog - It's nature

2005-11-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

I shall attempt defining the nature of my blog. From today it shall comprise my feelings and convictions about all kinds of things I may have encountered and which have distinctly registered in my mind. I shall share the knowledge, wisdom, joys and sorrows through this little virtual window till I can...each day I sail through.

Blah

2005-11-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

Hey blog...

Again after long am back. I'll quickly jot some things that registered in my mind mind recently before I begin talkin into abstraction and gradually nonsense :P to everybdy other than me. Heh :)...okay....

1. A person who keeps thinking wht he/she shud do sth and who doesn't begin doing that is a neecha (a very lowly human being) - by mom...she got this frm smwhr.
2. Every human thinks foolish 5 minutes a day and it depends on hw 'gyani' u r...to prolong it or not - again by mom...she got this frm Yendamoori V.

Alright nw to other stuff....Kanna's cat's approaching...he's all nerves tight nw. I dun think I can do much to help him...as I've my stuff seeking attention. And to talk abt my stuff...no...I dun wanto do it. I enjoyed Diwali but for the tragic heart-wrek by the terrorist activity in the capital which had turned the moods of everyone for a while. I did watch quite some movies in this season. It was good. But no it wasn't good too. Because all my friends are working hard :(...I am having fun? am such a jerk relly if I continue.

All abt me? Hmm okay....will write abt others too. Am 24....a big grl....uff...so many responsibilities...but it's nice....it's good to be 24....so good. I think I'll rock wth doing things right...it's a very capable and lovely age....u r all mature...out of adolescent confusions, ready to fall in love :">, ready to just do anyth u dream of, fully independent and totally in control, wise enuff to see the world as it is....and so many great things. Am happy I grew up...thanks God. Silly? I hope I dun sound silly really :).

Heh he...and....wht else...I think am in a great mood now....best to get to wrking.

Lotsa love and wishes to all my blog readers and spl. wishes to the commenters :)
Chandana

Damn!

2005-10-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes some people annoy u so much...so much....they stimulate ur anger hormones like hell. Wht do u do then?? I used to fall back on frens earlier....to scrap the feeling. I have a soln now. It goes...for a while forget the 'jerk' who made u feel so(whosoever it mayb)..and continue doing ur work. Think about the incident and the solution to it...after an hr or more...:). The period of such incident is no-decision time...and no communication time.

Good Morning

2005-10-15T17:50:00.000-07:00

I have too many things going on in mind...they dun give time to stabilize and lemme write stuff. Anyways...I met Khushal yesterday..it was AN EXPERIENCE...I remember all the moments at college...felt nostalgic and very nice. Life's moving...thts wht wa confirmed though :).

And...yeah now, I have this crush on my Geography teacher...he's so amazing a man....wth the right balance of emotion n wisdom...wow...I dbt if guys exist wth such dimensionality and a little younger age. He gifted me his parker on my b'day and blessed me heartfully. It felt...I am moving past in time...those sweet times...when I totally liked all my teachers and vice versa. Hmmm, and...apart fm Ashton...the others are intellectual, down to earth old men who make me understand why the male species is worth any attention (am being a feminist I knw...:D)

Enuff.....I woke up early in the morning b began talking...so grl like :D...beginning a new day...hoping it'd b a perfect day...wow thts a feeling...a very beautiful one..

Luv
Chandana

Miracles

2005-10-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

Happy Vijayadasami to all ya guys who are reading this today :). A beginning today...shall be treated wth victory. A passion thts selfless, and for the good of the good world shall always be succeful.

Hmmm good...wht else...life's gettin more interesting day after day as am approaching my b'day. I feel a little nervous...but a lot excited to step in the wrld as a wiser person than I was ever. I had a feeling, my retrospections abt a variety of things in life were useless...untill I realised today...that they were totally worth everyth I had to pay a price for. I am talkin nonsense to ppl who rn't able to relate to wt am saying. I better stop.

Oh yeah Abhinav has too many questions. He asks whts the stuff I said I'd write abt. Well by tht I meant...I intend to write things which or of some use to some readers atleast. Use in a little more than mere entertainment kinda way. Also...am looking forward to watch the movies 'Guess who' and 'My boss's Daughter'...:D. NY tops my 'destination next' list...tht shud dilute the curiosity ;) if anyth doesn't. Hmmmm Orange Capri....tht was relly cool...I din get my size in pink thoguh :(. Yeah the 'stuff'...

Okay....fine I'll write some 'stuff'. I guess for now...thts going to be a little necessary science. Lemme talk abt earthquakes. Thr is sth called macrozonation of India which divides the country into 4 zones grading the vulnerability of areas and structures to earthquakes. The bases on which such a classification was made r a little vague but quite good as suggested by the authorised institutions. Anyways, so...Delhi is in zone 3 :O...thts like a quite probable zone. Zone 4 comprises of all the fault zones from the Himalayas etc. Most of the Southern COuntry comes in a safer zone 2. Now, basing on these factors people are expected to lay their building foundations or persue constructions wth enuff strenghts. Thrs a micro-zonation process too thts been done for Delhi currently, which reveals tht East Delhi is more prone (the trans Yamuna region) due to loose and non-compact soils present thr...and also due to water logging conditions brought abt by the Yamuna flooding. All in all...I wanted to introduce the concept of zonation and the precautions recommended. I'll continue later...not used to writing 'stuff'...u see!!! Yawn...okay...g'nite!

Thank Heavens

2005-10-11T01:26:00.000-07:00

I was just not able to get to this page for millions of years....man this site is crap busy everytime. I was dying to write so much...uff....the blog missed my scrapping on variety of topics....ranging frm emotional independence to environmental degradation.

In any case...as I got the chance now, I'd write...Ooh I watched "Dude Whrs my Car?" yesterday. I liked it :)...heh it was fun. The chaps were really cute. I watched "Just married" again..again yest :(. It's soooo lucky to be in perfect love. Not everybdy is famous, not everybdy is the richest...just tht way...not everybdy gets to be in perfect love :(....such a sad thing. Lets see hw lucky will all of us get here :):):).

I relly wanto check out whts a pedicure done like...oops the metro-grl fetish. Really thr r things tht metro-life offers which r worth a hand at. Nonetheless I am telling you - nature's way's the best way :). Hmmm and oh yeah...I went shopping recently n got myself a red watch (very trendy) and an orange capri (Was Benetton so no surprises :P). Fine, the fun times are beginning I am feeling inside. As u grow up u knw wht u want better...yes thts the new leash of life in disguise. Eventually u r graded on hw well u knw urself at the end whn u r trippin to ur destination (Heaven or Hell) afterall.

And...yeah...:)...ok....the definition of my prospective boyfren changes a little. He's gotto have a cute smile for sure..:">. Oops kick me outta dream world....am out am out. Now, business...no bunissiness for me for quite smtime to come :(...I am having a home-holiday damn. I shud take an exotic break....all by myself...wow....am gettin into dreams again...smbdy pls stop me...huh! I think I had written too much already....man hw talkative I can get??? Good Heavens!

I'll write 'stuff' after this post :) ;)!

Reviews

2005-09-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

Fine...I did watch about four movies over the past couple of days. I began with 'No Entry'...it was okay...some repeated comedy, but then the plot seemed incidental...so it din fail totally. I infact watched it to see Bipasha in it...it was okay not a time waste. After that 'The Good Girl'...man it was so intense a movie....one shall hate to get depressed in life after watching Jennifer Aniston's wonderful performance as a depressed middle-aged woman. The picturisation knocks out any cheer u began to watch the movie with and takes you into the shoes of the narrator almost immediately.

Today I saw this really sweet and romantic...but just not suggestive movie called 'A lot like love'. The lead pair extremely cute to keep you held till the end. I kinda got reminded of 'Hitch'...a similar plot it was. No more comments for now...I may comment later. I also happened to quick-watch 'Anita and Me'...man the British accent of all the characters was so inconvinient to comprehend....I wonder y we dun ever talk like that...despite the historical British influence.

I had a clearly unclear Geography class...with my no knowledge of albedo kinda core concepts for I missed some damn previous class. If ppl dunno wht am taklin abt....no questins please.

How do we do something wrong?

2005-09-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

At first we think we'd feel good by doing wht we want to do. Mr.Conscience says...'No I think its a bad idea'...then we ask 'how?'...n try to give a good reason to support our deed. We know that Mr.Conscience is struggling to prove his point...but u wanto win...u give excuses and make ur excuses more valid than wht Mr.Conscience has to say. U r in no mood to lose...(u r actually losing here ;) )...u wanto do ur way. Now...everyth just goes off...all sanity and the light of ur own wisdom...is simply switched off...u r doing the wrong thing. U will gradually get out of ur own blind phase in time...and realise that what u did was actually wrong sooner than later.

I am referring to all our deeds or actions which have a weak or unclear or unfair logic to support them, as wrong actions here. The best way to avoid doing wrong things and letting Mr.Consience take a back seat is to divert your mind...postpone doing things which u suspect are bad. The time and God shall take care of the rest. I might sound so Christian...hmm yea mayb...I had always been an advocate of moral science.

Junk Food

2005-09-14T21:00:00.000-07:00

Junk food has become relly popular over the recent decades. People (like me) have lost their control and runied their best health due to unthoughtful consumption of junk food. I shall wanto classify anyth tht contributes to the accumulation of fat...or toxifies the body for a longer period than a day...or tht causes unwanted reactions in the body that may sedate u or do sth creepy. The ills of such consumption are actually countless...in a nutshell...u lose out on happy living. The momentary urge to over-consume junk food arises due to a fragile state of mind. Eating a little bit of sweet or bhujia or a little bite of a pizza once in a while is okay to entertaint the taste buds. But continuing to consume them till we are filled is a result of mental instability and lack of control over ur senses...its a clear act of gluttony...one of the seven popular sins. Now, after losing a lot of fun moments in my life due to junk food...thrs one thing I conclude...the password for all the good things in life is 'stay happy'...keep ur mind serene, peaceful and honest....and this will automaticly keep it balanced and thus effecitng out eating, living and in general human behaviour. We can't but improve each day...each hr and each minute too.

Tilottama...

2005-09-14T20:52:00.001-07:00

Today when I was listening to this song...I remembered an incident Kanna's tld me once..

His fren was being interacted(ragged as we call it :P) at college (IITD). He was a telugu speaking kid...and the seniors had never probably never heard the langage before. One of them goes....u may entertain us wth a telugu song. The boy cheerfully agreed and goes...

Tilottama priya vayarama..prabatama subha vasatama...(thts a romantic Chiranjeevi's duet frm Master).....etc etc.

Now, the senior goes...'Well we want u to translate it into hindi/english :)!' innocently. Obviously the fresher dinno wht to say :).

I like...

2005-09-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

Talking to God...
When it rains, or whn it snows
When mummy's happy
When Kanna's obedient
Feeling the pain of a great work out...
Watching a tollywood comedy wth Mom, Dad and Kanna...
Listening to old melodies...
Dancing to perfection to a rythm...
To knw when mummy kisses me whn a asleep...
To knw that dad's actually praised me...
Havin a cup of ginger tea in a chilled weather...
Overdoing crunches...
Thinking life's beautiful....on a breezy starry night...in my very balcony...in my fav speghetti
Topping the class
Living a day in total tradition
To be of help to the helpless
And lots more.......which I'll continue smtime later :)....

Company

2005-09-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

This is in coherence with all the sour experiences I had with some people in life. Despite knowing that they are definitely not my well-wishers...I was frens with a few people with a hope, or in a desperate need for frens or, in a attempt to experiment and watch. None of the times it proved beneficial. I am telling u blog...it is a very bad idea to be frens wth 'wrong' people for whtever excuse u may wanto give...or however lucrative the frenship at the moment seems. Life has better things to offer than bad frens ;).

Not Happy!

2005-09-12T11:09:00.000-07:00

I was unhappy...tried to talk to friends...family...it din work. I was unhappy...tried to eaaat sth delicious, tried to watch a movie...no...it wasn't goin to make me any better (instead it can make me fat or tired). Shud I pray?...mayb tht cud have helped...but I wasn't motivated enuff to do that. Uff...am extremely frustrated...I simply dun wanto study. I dun think I want anyone near me...nor I wanto be alone. It's a very very unwanted depressed situation. I gave myself liberty to once again waste my time...thinking what is actually wrong!!??!! Someday this excercise will prove productive I believed.

Here I go...with a decent analysis of whats wrong.

Frstly I do not know what I really want. And I do not know how much I want that.
I am thouroughly confused and not willing to clear mysef to myself. My attempt to resolve things...Am 23...what have I done so far that makes me a proud human? CHUCK IT! What am I now and what can I do more from now? FOCUS ON THAT!

To answer what I am now, I may have to realistically and frankly examine my resources, interests, capabilities and constraints. What can I do will mould from what I am now :). Now..the rest of this document is invisible to anybody other than me :)....

Terrific

2005-07-18T22:58:00.000-07:00

Every day ... slips off ur hand in 24 hrs. How many things did you do in a day which really made you happy??? An very relevant qn one can ask oneself to watch one's own performance peaks. Its a hypothesis. I am totally tryin it out.

Great sprits are always yours when your preferances are set right...havin been laid out on powerful principles. Are my principles the right ones?? (By that I meant...are they the most perfect blend into the context and the moral conduct??) ..we dun need to scratch head, pick some seemingly profound values and get start go. 'Intelligence' accoridng to me is optimising the performance ratio (Output/Input)...safely and securely.

I think I wanto make my blog a little more reader(other than me) friendly for a universal benefit. Shall get onto working on that...:). Cool... all excited today for am at my workplace (my frst job) for the frst time. Its lovely, n simply great. I shud say life's 'terrific' at the moment.

Bad Company

2005-07-17T20:49:00.000-07:00

Haven't really posted a 'real post' for quite sometime now. Every birthday, I have a litte gloom with me...not coz am getting older...but I think.."wht have I done in all the years that have passed?"...I have reasons to feel unaccomplished. Now, if I begin to think about the strongest reasons that may have stopped me from being what I could have been, I shall be a child for once and say 'bad company' always.

I have really very good friends and well-wishers who care a lot deal about me. Yet, I did see some really awful people in life. I grew out of my teens in the most painful ways. I say the credit again goes to my instability facing the wrong world. I sound depressed? I may...because I have lived the nth time of severe agony and accusation of my own actions forI was in the same 'bad company' the nth time. Yes, I seem to know the ways to eliminate bad people from your life or diminish their effects, but I always fail implementing...mayb my methods are wrong or not so practical. I think I need help!!!

My family is a wonder. It did the most, of any family can do to guide me right. Yet...my intelligence suffered several bumps to waste everybody's efforts. Not being very vague, I have strong enough experiences to tell myself and my friends "keep bad company at bay to progress".

Some lines that caught my eye!

2005-07-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's useless to try to hold some people to anything they say while they're
madly in love, drunk, or running for office.

The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be
in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
-- C.N. Parkinson

"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is
nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Save energy: be apathetic.

Sin boldly.
-- Martin Luther

modesty, n.:
Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.

Never let someone who says it cannot be done interrupt the person who is
doing it.

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.

I know engineers. They love to change things.
- Dr. McCoy

The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an
open doorway with an open mind.
-- E.B. White

The degree of technical confidence is inversely proportional to the
level of management.

Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A: One per person.

The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by
people who want some.
-- Dwight MacDonald

"If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely."
Oh, love is real enough, you will find it some day, but it has one
arch-enemy -- and that is life.
-- Jean Anouilh, "Ardele"

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

QOTD:
"It's not the despair... I can stand the despair. It's the hope."

Totally Innocent

2005-06-29T09:06:00.000-07:00

The Frog And The Nightingale by Vikram Seth....was my favourate poem at school. I kinda felt it being a sensitive marvel that tries to put wickedness in a naturally appeasing way. I had always remembered Vikram Seth after that.

Why am I remembered of that lovely poem today?? Hmm well to think of it...the whole wickedness meaness and every ill that one may come across can so beautfully be understood to be incorporated in it's sensitive form. Not getting too judgemental about anything is wisdom or innocence??? Which one is it??? To me it looks like the answer cud be either. I am on my way from being totally innocent to totally wise. The journey is what I call life.

if u wanna see me cribbing

2005-06-24T05:51:00.000-07:00

It's been quite some time I blabbered anthing. I've been lazy so long....not that I dunno hw to kick my ass outta bed and work-sparkle for some hrs of the day and render it productive. It's some feeling...that being lazy may not be a crime. Anyways for a change...lemme change...the lifestyle and the topic too :).

It was great to feel the chilled air yesterday evening after the horrifying summers which took about 17 lives in the capital this yr. Was even wondering if I might join the list..:(. Yeah...I looked at the pictures of the contestants of miss universe last year. They were so beautiful. Nevetheless anything comes with an effort...am sure they care a lot to appear that way. It has to be shaping up or a restricted life style...it is an effort. After all what comes without hardwork? and even if it comes...u dunno how u can enjoy it...so its again the same. Sam's visiting in the evening...Shavi too guess...more grls may get added ...a little grls' out evening doesn't harm much, but yea not my kinds again. Meaningless craving I call this - to wait to waste time. I can do 100 things that would make my life a lot more meaningful than it is now. But yea choosing which one first...takes all the time. I sound so 'loser-like' I know...m better I assure :). Truly am gonna make my life certainly rock. God...join me! lets go rock the world!

random stuff again

2005-06-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!

Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!

Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!

Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax
***

Commitment, n.:
[The difference between involvement and] Commitment can be
illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was
involved, the pig was committed.
***

In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror,
murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michaelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci
and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had
five hundred years of democracy and peace -- and what did they produce?
The cuckoo-clock.
-- Orson Welles, "The Third Man"

Nobody is one block of harmony. We are all afraid of something, or feel
limited in something. We all need somebody to talk to. It would be good
if we talked to each other--not just pitter-patter, but real talk. We
shouldn't be so afraid, because most people really like this contact;
that you show you are vulnerable makes them free to be vulnerable too.
It's so much easier to be together when we drop our masks.
-- Liv Ullman

The Messiah will come. There will be a resurrection of the dead -- all
the things that Jews believed in before they got so damn sophisticated.
- Rabbi Meir Kahane

VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least
it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to
trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical
space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to
follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not
of science.
VIII. Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives
might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be
destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate,
elongate, snap back, or solidify.
IX. For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to
the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of
watching it happen to a duck instead.
X. Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons.
-- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980

random stuff

2005-06-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

The Great Movie Posters:

KATHERINE HEPBURN as the lying, stealing, singing, preying witch girl
of the Ozarks... "Low down white trash"? Maybe so -- but let her hear
you say it and she'll break your head to prove herself a lady!
-- Spitfire (1934)

Do Native Women Live With Apes?
-- Love Life of a Gorilla (1937)

JUNGLE KISS!!
When she looked into his eyes, felt his arms around her -- she
was no longer Tura, mysterious white goddess of the jungle tribes --
she was no longer the frozen-hearted high priestess under whose hypnotic
spell the worshippers of the great crocodile god meekly bowed -- she
was a girl in love!
SEE the ravening charge of the hundred scared CROCODILES!
-- Her Jungle Love (1938)

LOVE! HATE! JOY! FEAR! TORMENT! PANIC! SHAME! RAGE!
-- Intermezzo (1939)

Elle Woods

2005-06-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Elle,
How can you be so nice and sweet all the time? I try to be nice, but people are so awful sometimes that feel like my head is going to pop off.
-Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,
Why do you think I exercise so much? People really are awful sometimes, and it's hard to be nice. You may want to try working off some of that stress and frustration at the gym, or any other _effective_ way. Also, being nice is an acquired skill, it does not come naturally and can be improved through practice. Don't give up! Also remember that sometimes you have to be 'mean' to be nice -- like breaking up with someone right away when you know it's time. "Nice" is just about taking pride in yourself and the way you treat others.
-Elle
********

dear elle, exactly how do u deep condition your hair?
Mashal

Dear Mashal,
The Cosmopolitan website suggests: Shampoo with 50/50 shampoo mixed with conditioner. Rinse. Towel Dry. Then condition with "deep conditioner" and rub it into the ends of your hair. Rinse. Then apply a leave-in conditioner, preferably one with sunscreen.

I don't like leave-in conditioner. I shampoo, then leave (a lot of) conditioner in my hair until the end of a bath or shower (10-15 minutes), then rinse with cool water. Here are some other suggestions: http://www.ehow.com/tips_1326.html
While the rules of haircare are simple and finite, it seems like different conditioning works for different girls.

Many beauty products are tested on animals or contain animal ingredients. Don't forget to consider using cruelty-free products!
***********

Perfect Day?

The perfect day is the day you look back and are proud of the way you have lived your life...
***********

Yes, Yes You Can! (Courtesy Legally Blonde)

Steal the bastard back (so you can dump him).

Show everyone how valuable (your name here) can be!

Figure out this whole lip-liner thing!

Just wake up one morning and decide you're going to go to law school...or do whatever the hell you want to do! It's YOUR life!

You are nicer, smarter, more beautiful, more talented, and stronger than you think you are. You have all the equipment, you just need to read the manual...
************

Elle Woods Type Personality?

You're not afraid to sit in the front row and raise your hand in class.

You're sure EVERYONE likes you (or has the potential to like you).

You are a fashion princess but your own style dominates that of your clothing.

Maybe you're trying to be somebody you are...

You'd pick the dangerous one, because you like a challenge.
**********

Great things about Elle Woods

She's genuine, the real thing, her motives are for the greater good.

She's got a wonderful smile.

She's creative and unique.

She practices the art of friendship, and recognizes the benefits of Social Events. All work and no play makes You a dull girl.

She knows how to get the job done...
***********

What not to do when you get dumped

...don't become "totally adrift"!

...don't try to get your man back, try to get your life back!

...don't show him that you're a hysterical, psychotic, letter-writing, calling & hanging up, drive-by, out-of-control, no-self-esteem MESS. Act as if you're happy & over it (even if you're not).

...don't let the next guy you date be someone who reminds you of your EX!!!!

...don't let him keep your precious baby Rufus!
**********

Nothing wrong with that...

Nothing wrong with being beautiful AND smart...

Nothing wrong with getting your hair done, getting a manicure and pedicure, wearing nice clothes AND considering yourself "low maintenance."

Nothing wrong with blaming others, not yourself, if they don't take you seriously. It's not your fault if some people say "yes" when they mean "no". Nothing wrong with not playing this game AND meaning exactly what you say.

Nothing wrong with owning fuzzy pink things AND wearing "cute" clothes.

Nothing wrong with putting clothes on your dog, ummmm..... I think(?) As long as he likes it.
***********

Best ways to "get even"

Completely forget who he is.

Become best friends with his new (ex) girlfriend.

Do better in Law School than he did.

Show him what he missed out on.

Call him a "bonehead" after he decides to tell you that he loves you...
***********

Hopeless Men

They need Vivian to get them their plum sauce and coffee. Basically, instead of getting up off of their own ass, they pretend they're so busy that they need your help to do these little things. And, they're sure that you're happy to be their servant.

They can't even do their own laundry. They have to have it sent out. Or, they're thinking, maybe you would like to do it for them.

They know exactly what they want; and they can't understand why you wouldn't want to give it to them.

They whine. Men who whine are hopeless.

Hopeless men love women, without having respect for them.
***********

What's Fun?

Mixers, clam bakes, trips to the Cape...
Costume parties, convertibles, faux fur...

Best friends, pets...
Going out on dates, hot tubs, sunbathing...

Music that makes you feel good...
Blonde, pink, glitter, fashion...
Being in love...

Passing the test, making the grade, graduating, getting the job...
Making new friends, random acts of kindness...
Winning your case...

Luaus, Casino night, Greek week...
Trying new things and
Having Adventures...
*************

"If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin the rest of your life, you're not the girl I thought you were."

me cool?

2005-06-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

I did not realise my confusing profile untill I had this chat with Keerty the other day.

I entered IIT, CSE with aspirations to become a scientist one day. I did not sail through that ship succesfully because I did not enjoy working in specialization. I deliberated a drop in acads for the same reason. Even though, with a hope to see myself doin well in some academic thing that might interest me, I attempted taking GRE...that idea did not mature as I had to take care of wordly confusions I had. Now, with a lot of contemplation I decided to take up civil services. Nevertheless, security issues also goaded me into taking up a job in patent engineering. Now I may wanto do law in the future. I love dance and theatre so much. I love travel and cultural bondage. Am I cool or confused??

Cosmopolitan

2005-06-16T11:50:00.000-07:00

Yea right that was the magazine I spent a lotta time with in the evening at Barista havin a guava smoothie (I love it!). I am looking for a gorgeous shade of a daily wear lipstick on me. So I stop whenever I see a lipstick ad. All the model pieces appeared yum.

I always wanted to be this really beautiful girl though I believed in inner beauty most of my life. Mayb its natural...or its smwhr in my genes...I dun think...coz my folks n theirs were normal. Whatever...my views about fashion industry is that it rocks and at the same time serves no actual purpose of life. I like fashion, but to the extent it helps me steal the show. I believe in appearances that are creatively appealing than conventionally neat.

Stopping to talk about 'me'....moving outta teen-mentality...I herewith take charge as a matured damsel, taking all the meaningful responsibilities my way and also leaving aside the egoist childlike petty notions and perceptions.

Images

2005-06-16T00:12:00.000-07:00

I've this professor in my department, let me call him S. Wht I know about S? S thinks he is really intelligent (I agree he is). He smiles at and gets into talking with department toppers (he thinks they are the only sane beings), while he finds it a disgrace to even return back the wishes of other students. He thinks he looks terrific, where as my friend describes him as sm1 who looks like a villian in some movie..I think it was the monsoon wedding. When Raju Uncle (Prof.V.S.Raju, ex-director of IITD) once at the airport asked me whom I liked the most in my department. I told him S (I dunno y...it was a pure accident...I was so nice to S whtever it was). S knows me being not so studious, I dunno wht he thinks beyond this, probably he thinks I wud be nowhere in life or something...or mayb I am so dumb infront of his astounding intelligence.

If I sound childish I might, but I have this long lasting desire that one day when I get to reach places I want to...I shall wanto show him the importance of every human being, and politely hint how annoying he is to the society. Huh next time when I see him, I shall be polite...but I knw he is a jerk. That should be the attitude...diplomacy and the right judgement both in combination with a clear mind. Theres no reason why I should feel anything about some just so not grown up people (growing up depends on hw genuinely modest u r)

Get ready for it

2005-06-15T10:20:00.000-07:00

It was a little long day. The roasting heat stopped me from oven walking frm the hostel to the department. I shud have gone....and not wasted time. Anyways last night..I met Dhruv after an age. Had a warm chit chatting and a lotta insider information...felt nice. And today in the evening I met Shilpy, Prats and Arya for an appeareance at Barista...all of them changed for good ,in looks. And I was complimented too :). I dunno y ppl smtimes r obliged to say....u have lost weight...though the truth is...I weigh just the same as I used to weigh when they saw me last. Mayb they registered that I love to just get slim and r tryint to please me - u knw I love complimets :">...but I do distinguish between a dummy compliment and a real one...:)

Watched Frens - with all the jealousy episode...man friends are the most lovable people. I feel they r family smtimes...tht engrossed I bcm when am watching frens no matter if am watching for the 'n'th time. Rachel is soo pretty...wish I getto meet her smtime in life. Also I kinda watched a recapping all episodes of Sami Gariwals'' episode......dinno such a show existed where all the Indian Celebrities r smooth-talked into being just themselves and r so touched. Also today I felt I miss my dancing...as a kid I was so brilliant with abhinaya and the rythm too...I love those things...God help me begin the recital tradition as soon as possible...I wanto live in such an emotional content once again. Hmmm...my new job(s) is kinda putting me to dreamy sleeps smtimes. Looks like I am getting a relly cool pay,cool profile and cool incentives....the little talk with the HR guy revealed. I have my fingers crossed till the best thing comes my way. I think my phone was engaged all the day long today...sravanti, mom, pinni, kanna, daddy, kamal, anand, ramesh, sam, prats, snigdha...I gotto have a day's phone-moun...else I might develop a phone-talking mania.

Some vague stuff:

Alright now...as I began to believe that its safer to have no enemies...a shrewd prodigy - a brilliant one - lemme act on my diplomatic skills for the justice and the right in the world.

Some low times...

2005-06-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you know you aren't happy, and nothing can make you happy. This feeling doesn't stay long, yet it consumes moments of life that should otherwise rock. You run into meaningless and irrelevant or more of untimely thoughts to ruin time and mood too. Gross as it sounds. Wht shud one do then?

I knw! :)

Talk to me!
(yea thts the call from this amazing guy called GOD. If u trust in him, u can easily do that so why not do it!?!)

I know what I am talking about. I recently developed a complex with my own past. I am guilty for I was innocent. I am embarrassed for I was only learning and was not learnt. I am hurt for I had caused my own situation in experimentation. How silly one is? is not known to him/her - this is what we call confusion and unhappiness. Every knot has a way out, and every confusion can be untangled. Clearly this puts me at a conclusion that thinking should be done with a neat goal.

Love

2005-06-11T13:05:00.000-07:00

My first blog's called 'Love'. I sound controversial dun I? :)...
Mine is a simple sweet family. Momie, Daddy, Kanna(my little brother), and ammamma(my grandmother). We had a pet puppy too...we lost it though :(. Life has been really great as long as all of us were together. We travelled a lot and lived together till I came to IIT for my graduation. We were so adorably bonded by affection. Mom defined love for me and she still stands for wht 'love' really means.

I have, in immaturity and clear ignorance costed my folks many tears and suffering by being irresponsible of things they trusted me with. I never deliberated hurt I may have caused. I was a totally innocent believer of people and an extreme optimist when I began to see the real world, which was not more than 4 yrs ago for me. And a step into the shrewd world was a big leap for me where I seemed to have broken a limb or two and am being repaired now. Whatever...now when I think of something on lines like, if that something makes me happy or not, it is totally fair to think with respect to the interests of my family. I am totally theirs. I more than cherish every piece of guidance they provied to me. Also...I am happy for I recognise the invaluable companionship of my dearest ones with me when I sink or rise or just remain still. After all any sorta worldly achievement can give you what you want(peace and happiness) when you can share it with your loved ones.

I can go on and on about mom...till I can never end. I can go on about Kanna too, and daddy is my favourite anyways. Ammamma is the coolest some times. I call what we share love, and shall always call it that. Now it should be clear why I respect the feeling 'love' more than anything after my favourite emotion the 'devotion'. This was about me, but I shall wanto write more about things I was taught by mum and my family all my life and how I have treasured the sweetest memories. Also with kanna...life just becomes so interesting, hes a brilliant conversationalist and big-heart guy. What more can I ask the God for??? He has given me a little pretty world...:).

Hello

2005-06-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

Blah blah blah...